


does papillon have dm's

by noaoats



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/F, F/M, Friendship, Group Chat Fic, Group chat, Idk what to say, another 'miraculous squad gets a group chat' fic, bi ace adrien, it's just a bunch of idiots on their phones like, lesbian chloe, miraculous friendship, miraculous squad, pan/queer marinette, pre-reveal, they're so dumb and i love them so much, token straight amazing ally alya, trans Nino, used to have plot but we dumped that in favor of more dumb shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2020-10-11 10:57:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20545016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noaoats/pseuds/noaoats
Summary: foxylady: hey chat i mean this in the nicest possible way, but is your father a daddyPurrchatoire: Yeah, he’s my father?foxylady: no, chat, i mean like… can your dad, get it





	1. The First Message

**Author's Note:**

> dumbass rights ONLY in this fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fated origin story. the beginning of the end.

**[9:30pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Hi.

**Chat Noir: **I know you said to only use this for emergencies but I’m bored. It’s too early to sleep but not early enough to actually do anything. What are you up to?

**Chat Noir: **Ladybug?

**Chat Noir: **Sorry if I’m being annoying, I know I’m not supposed to be messaging you on here. I’ll stop. Have a good night. <3

**[9:45pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **I’m back. How am I not supposed to message you now that I can? This is amazing. And I’ll try not to use too many cat puns.

**Chat Noir: **Wait.

**Chat Noir: **I take that back. Ignore that last part. I can’t live like that.

**Chat Noir: **I’m assuming you’re busy. I know I should probably stop messaging you but it’s more fun to spam you. I’ll start with sharing things about myself that won’t give away my identity.

**Chat Noir: **I play piano. My favorite food is croissants. My kwami likes cheese. My favorite color is sky blue. I like to ice skate. I’m really handsome.

**Chat Noir: **This isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. I just want to talk to you. Message me when you can.

**[10:15pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **LADYBUG!

**Ladybug: **what??

**Chat Noir: **:-D You responded! Why didn’t you respond earlier?

**Ladybug: **??? is there an emergency?

**Chat Noir: **Yes. I’m bored.

**[10:45pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Okay, so I guess you were serious about not using this unless there’s an emergency. Can I at least ask a few questions if I promise to stop spamming you afterwards?

**Ladybug: **… depends on the questions, but ok

**Chat Noir: **What’s your favorite color? And favorite food? And a hobby you have? And what is your favorite place in Paris? Do you have any celebrity crushes? Ever been to Italy? What does your kwami like? Do you always wear your hair in pigtails?

**Ladybug: **…

**Ladybug: **ugh

**Ladybug: **pink, macarons, classified, the tower, yes, yes, cookies, classified. bug out

**Chat Noir: **Wait, who is your celebrity crush?!

**[11:00pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Touché. Goodnight, my lady.


	2. Superhero Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the whole squad joins the chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place post-heroes' day, chloe's identity is known.

**[11:28am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **akuma near the louvre. looks like it’s turning people into statues

**Chat Noir: **On my way! Wait until I get there to engage, we don’t want to take your Lucky Charm for /granite/.

**Ladybug: **the puns are actually somehow worse over text

**Chat Noir: **>:-( Don’t be so /stiff/.

**[12:35pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **go team

**Chat Noir: **Is that a text I see? Not sent because of an emergency? :-O

**Ladybug: **idk i feel weird not checking in after an akuma battle now that we can. Did you miss anything important?

**Chat Noir: **No, just part of class. I miss a lot anyway since my schedule is so busy so no one noticed. You?

**Ladybug: **also class, but everyone definitely noticed. it’s more difficult to come up with an excuse when the battle isn’t near my school

**Chat Noir: **So your school isn’t near the Louvre?

**Ladybug: **… anyway, good battle. see you at patrol later

**Chat Noir: **Have a good day! 

**[11:23pm]**

** _Chat Noir _ ** _has added **Ladybug**, **Rena Rouge**, **Carapace**, and **Queen Bee **to the chat._

_**Chat Noir **has named the chat **SuperheroFriends**._

**Chat Noir: **Hello! Ladybug and I realized that we can use group chat without revealing our identities, so we started using messaging for emergencies. I figured you all would find this helpful, too.

**Queen Bee: **You’re kidding me

**Rena Rouge: **ohmigod. I’m in a group chat with chat noir

**Chat Noir: **We’re really only supposed to use it for emergencies, it’s not a regular group chat. It can help us to notify each other if there’s an akuma or if something comes up in our civilian lives, etc.

**Rena Rouge: **OHMIGOD I’M IN A GROUP CHAT WITH LADYBUG

**Queen Bee: **I’m not about to have my phone blow up with messages from you all

**Chat Noir: **Again, /emergencies only/.

**Carapace: **can we at least change our names?

**Chat Noir: **What do you mean?

_**Carapace **has changed their name to **michelangelo**._

**Rena Rouge: **i’m screaming a;lskdfjlsd

_**Rena Rouge **has changed their name to **foxylady**._

_**foxylady **has changed the chat name to **LBFanClub**._

**foxylady: **this is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

**Chat Noir: **How did you do that?!

**michelangelo: **If you look on the top right under settings it’ll let you change stuff around.

**Queen Bee: **I WILL mute this chat if I have to

_**Chat Noir **has changed their name to **#1LBFax**._

_**#1LBFax **has changed their name to **#1LBFan**._

**michelangelo: **#1LBFax

**#1LBFan: **I’m new at this.

**Queen Bee: **If you’re going to pick a ridiculous name, at least make sure it’s accurate

**#1LBFan: **What do you mean?

**foxylady: **she’s right, I’m LB’s number 1 fan.

**Queen Bee: **I’m obviously talking about myself

**foxylady: **prove it

_**Queen Bee **has changed their name to **#OneLBFan**._

**michelangelo: **this is too confusing now.

**#OneLBFan: **Not if he admits that he was wrong

**#1LBFan: **I’m not, but I think both of us should change our names. That’s too much.

**#OneLBFan: **Fine

_**#1LBFan **has changed their name to **Chat**._

_**#OneLBFan **has changed their name to **Queenie**._

**michelangelo: **you all suck at coming up with good nicknames.

**foxylady: **we’ll help them, babe. it’s a process

**Queenie: **I happen to like this, actually. I don’t need any help

**Chat: **I do, I’m not creative.

**michelangelo: **we’ve got you, dude.

**Ladybug: **what is this?

**foxylady: **LADYBUG ASLKDFJLSKDJF

**Ladybug: **yes? ??

**Chat: **I tried to make a larger group chat for everyone but it got kind of carried away, I’m sorry. I know it’s only supposed to be for emergencies.

**Ladybug: **i’m scrolling thru the messages now

**Queenie: **I, for one, will only use this chat for emergencies since that is what you requested

**Chat: **Me too.

**foxylady: **i’m currently undecided

**Ladybug: **wait you can ch

**Ladybug: **hold on

_**Ladybug **has changed their name to **misterbug**._

**foxylady: **? why??

**Chat: **She loved those cheap toys that were released way back where they accidentally swapped our costumes haha. They didn’t even get the names right, they called me ‘Mister Bug.’

**misterbug: **it’s my favorite thing in the world, i love that stupid toy. mister bug fjskdkf

**Chat: **Wait, do you own one?!

**misterbug: **absolutely. for real though, this needs to be for emergencies only. goodnight everybody. bug out

**Queenie: **Goodnight, Ladybug. And others

**foxylady: **does she really always sign off with ‘bug out’??

**Chat: **Almost always, she thinks it’s funny.

**foxylady: **in that case, fox out!

**michelangelo: **it’s just not the same -_-

**[11:50pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Sorry about that. I didn’t mean for it to derail.

**Ladybug: **it’s alright, chaton, those things happen. it was a bit nice to talk outside of fighting akumas

**Chat Noir: **so we could make this a regular thing? :-D

**Ladybug: **we’ll see

**Chat Noir: **I’m still recovering from the fact that you have my action figure.

**Ladybug: **is mister bug really you? or is it an alternative universe me?

**Chat Noir: **W

**Ladybug: **…

**Ladybug: **chat?

**Chat Noir: **Sorry, that was just a really good question. I don’t even know. Would that make Lady Noir alternative universe me?

**Ladybug: **no she’s also me

**Chat Noir: **Wait, but then they’re both you.

**Ladybug: **yes

**Chat Noir: **That doesn’t seem very fair.

**Ladybug: **>:) goodnight, kitty

**Chat Noir: **Goodnight, Ladybug <3 


	3. Homework Emergency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shrodingers' box but it's chat noir inside the box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Chat: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
michelangelo: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[8:12am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Queenie: **There’s an akuma near the hotel. It’s Sabrina again

**foxylady: __**_@michelangelo _are i are heading that way now

**Chat: **Sabrina? What happened?

**Queenie: **I don’t want to talk about it, just hurry up and get here

**misterbug: **almost there

**[10:02am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**misterbug: **did everyone get back to their civilian selves alright? that was… exhausting

**michelangelo: **i’m gucci.

**foxylady: **also good, just tired

**Chat: **I’m /purr/fect.

**michelangelo: **boo. at least italicize it. check out settings again.

**Chat: **Oh?

**Chat: __** _Oh?!_

**Queenie: **I’m fine, I’m talking it out with Sabrina. Thank you all for the help. Bye

**misterbug: **you can do this! bug out

**foxylady: **fox out!

**michelangelo: **babe it really doesn’t work when you do it.

**foxylady: **:c

**[4:12pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**foxylady: **hey i know this is for emergencies only, but _@michelangelo_ and i have a homework emergency, which is basically a superhero emergency imo. Anyone good at physics?

**Chat: **Me! What’s the issue?

**foxylady: **can i just send a picture of this worksheet we’re supposed to do? It’s the second to last question, something about thermal energy

**Chat: **Sure.

**misterbug: **no pictures!!

**foxylady: **why not?

**misterbug: **what if you two have the same homework and he recognizes it

**Chat: **Do you seriously think that out of ALL of Paris, there’s even a chance two of us are in the same class?

**misterbug: **yes?? it’s not THAT unlikely. rena and carapace are in the same class

**foxylady: **man that would be so handy though. Superhero bonding time over homework

**Chat: **Them being in the same class makes it even MORE unlikely any of us would also be in that class.

**foxylady: **imagine if all five of us had class together. wouldn’t that be wild?

**foxylady: **ugh class with ladybug would be SO COOL <3 LB you’d sit next to me, wouldn’t you?

**misterbug: **:) absolutely, rena

**Chat: **But not me?

**misterbug: **i’d know for sure if you were in my class, kitty. trust me

**foxylady: **carapace is still waiting on someone to help us

**Chat: **Why doesn’t he ask us?

**foxylady: **he’s a nerd who actually turns his phone off when he does homework so he won’t get distracted. Instead he’s pressuring me to @ y’all, and i don’t understand how that’s different

**Chat: **Aw. One of my friends does that, too.

_**foxylady **has changed **michelangelo**’s name to **Nerdboy.**_

**Chat: **You can change _someone else’s _name?!

**foxylady: **i’m keeping that one a secret

**misterbug: __**_@foxylady_ private message me, i already know ur identity so i can help

**foxylady: **MY HERO

**[4:30pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Rena Rouge: __** _*image.jpg*_

**Ladybug: **hmm. give me a minute

**[4:31pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Marinette: **Hi Adrien! I hope your afternoon good! You’re smart at physics, right?

**Marinette: ***your afternoon IS good, sorry, I’m so bad at typing. C:

**Adrien: **Hey Marinette! It’s been great, thank you. My father cancelled my piano lesson because of the akuma attack earlier so I’ve been enjoying a free afternoon. How has your day been?

**Adrien: **And yes! Do you need help with the physics homework?

**Marinette: **I’m glad you had some free time, you deserve it! My day’s been good, I’ve just been chatting with some friends and working on homework. I had a question about the worksheet we were assigned for physics- the second to last question. Were you able to figure that out?

**Adrien: **That one confused me at first, too! I think it’s a trick question. I’ll send you what I did.

**Adrien: __** _*image.jpg*_

**Marinette: **Oh, that makes so much! Thank you! C:

**Marinette: ***so much sense!

**Adrien: **Of course :-) Good luck with the rest of your homework!

**[4:36pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: __** _*image.jpg*_

**Rena Rouge: **UGH you’re a genius girl, thank you <3 <3

**Ladybug: **<3

**[7:45pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Nerdboy: **wait, who changed my name?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	4. Excuses, Excuses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one with the hamster story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Chat: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
Nerdboy: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[3:02pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**foxylady: **hey

**foxylady: **I know that _@Nerdboy_ and I are signed up for patrol tonight, and I’m still able to do it! I was just wondering: what do you all tell others? like. I don’t know how to come up with a good excuse. My family will notice if i’m missing

**Chat: **Really? Even that late at night?

**foxylady: **does your family not notice if you’re missing? I just

**foxylady: **uh

**foxylady: **sorry i’m not sure how much i can share, this might be tmi

**misterbug: **it’s okay, just no names or specifics

**foxylady: **okay. i have siblings? I’m responsible for watching them 90% of the time and they act out a lot, so i’m blamed when they mess something up. I’m worried that they’ll get into trouble when i’m not home and that my family will look for me

**misterbug: **oh rena, i’m so sorry! that puts you in a really stressful situation. is there no one who can cover them last minute?

**foxylady: **i mean, i have another sibling! she’s helped me out a lot so she’s a backup, but she’s beginning to get suspicious. and my best friend watches them sometimes, but as much as i love her she isn’t the most dependable

**Queenie:** Ouch

**foxylady: **oh! she means well, don’t get me wrong!! She’s just a bit too flaky for me to rely on her for stuff like this

**misterbug: **... i’m sorry, rena

**foxylady: **it’s not your fault, no sweat

**foxylady: **Sooo yeah. I need help coming up with a lie for tonight. Any ideas?

**Chat: **What if you say you’re going on a walk?

**foxylady: **oh yes, my family would love for a young woman like me to go strolling through the dark city streets at night

**Chat: **Right. Didn’t think about that.

**Nerdboy: **could you say that you’re going to hang out with me? technically you’d be telling the truth.

**foxylady: **normally i use you tbh, but if i keep ‘visiting you’ so late at night they’re going to forbid me from seeing you ever again

**Nerdboy: **well, let’s not do that.

**misterbug: **could you use your friend as an excuse? say that she had an emergency and that you had to rush over?

**foxylady: **that could work. I can text her and ask her to cover if my parents ask. And i’ll just tell her that i’m off to see _@Nerdboy_

**misterbug: **i’m sure your friend would love to help

**foxylady: **she definitely would, good idea!

**[3:20pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Alya: **hey girl!! Nino invited me out to a late night movie but my mom would def say no. any chance i could say i’m with you? <3

**Marinette: **as long as you promise to behave, yes

**Alya: **>;) 

**Marinette: **you know i love you, right?

**Alya: **ofc!! Why, what’s up? You okay?

**Marinette: **ya i’m fine! it’s nothing, i just wanted to make sure you knew. i’m always here for you, Als

**Alya: **you know i frickin love you too girl <3 tysm!

**[11:45pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**foxylady: **mission successful, i’m back home and no one questioned anything. Thank you all again! and special shout out to _@Nerdboy_ for being a wonderful patrol partner

**Nerdboy: **always here for u, babe.

**foxylady: **so do you all not have that issue? It didn’t sound like you had any excuses ready to go, it got me curious

**foxylady: **let me know if i’m overstepping

**Chat: **No, my family never checks up on me. And I’m so busy anyway that no one notices.

**Queenie: **My father knows my identity so I just tell him what I’m doing. I’ve never really thought about how you all need to come up with excuses

**foxylady: **that makes sense. that’s pretty nice, actually, i’ve never thought about how you didn’t

**Nerdboy: **I’m out late a lot anyway for job-related stuff, so i just say that it’s related to that. I’ve never had to come up with any elaborate lies.

**misterbug: **pause

**misterbug: **i’m sorry, _@Chat_ what did u say?

**Chat: **What?

**misterbug: **what do u mean ur family never checks up on u?

**Nerdboy: **hey wait yeah, that’s not very cash money of them.

**Chat: **I don’t know, they just don’t? Like, I’m expected to be in bed by a certain time and then I’m left alone. It’s kind of nice actually, most days by dinner I can do my own thing.

**misterbug: **by dinner??

**Chat: .. **Yes? Sometimes I eat with my family’s assistant but most of the time I just eat with my kwami and then hang out until patrol. Or I transform early because I get bored.

**misterbug: **YOU EAT DINNER ALONE??

**Chat: **I feel like I’m in trouble but I’m not sure what I said wrong.

**Nerdboy: **dude.

**misterbug: **you’re not in trouble, chat, i’m just. i’m really sorry that your family doesn’t spend time with you

**misterbug: **if that happens again on one of our patrol nights let me know and i’ll try to meet you early

**misterbug: **you’ve talked about having a distant family before but i didn’t realize it was that bad. seriously, let me know next time

**Chat: **Oh, okay. Thank you, my lady. I’ll take you up on that. :-)

**foxylady: **and what about you _@misterbug_?

**misterbug: **what about me?

**foxylady: **you’re the only one who didn’t answer my question. how do you deal with family and having to come up with excuses?

**misterbug: **uhh i don’t really come up with good excuses? i always panic cause i have this thing against lying

**Chat: **She really does.

**misterbug: **so i’m REALLY bad at lying to people. i’m pretty sure my family and friends think i’m up to something super weird bc i come up with the worst excuses in the world and then just. leave 

**Queenie: **You’re a genius during battles, Ladybug. I’m sure your excuses aren’t as bad as you think they are

**Chat: **Oh no, they definitely are.

**foxylady: **oh? Do tell

**misterbug: **don’t

**Chat: **My favorite: there was an akuma battle just a few months into when we started doing this and she showed up super late, which is abnormal for her. And she was _freaking out_.

**misterbug: **chat, we’re partners. don’t do me like this

**foxylady: **no no, continue

**Chat: **Her face was super red and she was practically hyperventilating so I found us a hiding spot. I was worried because I thought she was hurt.

**misterbug: **u still have time to stop

**Chat: **She explained that she had gone to some fancy restaurant with her family for dinner and that she had ran out in the middle of it. 

**Misterbug: **what can i offer to make u stop

**Chat: **Normally she would say she wasn’t feeling great and needed to use the restroom, but for some reason her mind blanked.

**misterbug: **i’ll bring u fresh croissants next patrol

**Chat: **So instead sh

**Chat: **Oh… 

**Chat: **That’s a good offer. Now I’m not sure what I should do.

**foxylady: **what?? No you have to finish your story!!

**Chat: **But… croissants.

**Nerdboy: **dude finish the story!!

**Queenie: **Even I’m invested at this point

**misterbug: **i’ll even bring the chocolate ones that u like

**foxylady: **chat noir my friend works in a bakery and i will bring you the best croissants in paris. I will bring as many as it takes to get you to finish this story. Ignore whatever LB says i PROMISE these croissants are better

**Chat: **… alright, I will take that offer.

**misterbug: **>:O 

**Chat: **So instead of saying she needed the bathroom, Ladybug panicked and told her own parents “Sorry, I have to go. My hamster is dying.”

**misterbug: **betrayal

**Nerdboy: **omg was your hamster actually okay though?

**Chat: **She didn’t have a hamster.

**Queenie: **ASKJFDKL

**foxylady: **SHE MADE UP A PET IN FRONT OF HER PARENTS??

**Chat: **Her parents, of course, said they didn’t think she had a hamster, and that there’s no way she would know something was happening to it while they were out at dinner.

**misterbug: **papillon just take my earrings now

**Chat: **She literally told them “I can feel in my heart that she’s dead” and then rushed to the battle, which is why she was freaking out. But that’s not even the best part.

**Queenie: **Oh my god

**misterbug: **tell paris i’m sorry but ladybug is no more

**Chat: **The next time we had patrol I obviously asked her about it again because that was wild and I wanted to know what happened when she got home. And do you all know what she did? What Ladybug, heroine of Paris, did to make sure her parents didn’t investigate the world’s worst and flimsiest excuse?

**misterbug: **i’m taking the earrings out now, goodbye tikki

**Chat: **Ladybug held a funeral for a dead pet hamster that never existed.

**Nerdboy: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA NOOOOOOOOOO

**Queenie: **ALSKDJFLKDSJFKLSJKDF

**foxylady: __**_@misterbug_ hOW??????

**misterbug: **:( i begged my parents to help me bury a shoe box in a local park, and i put a pair of socks in it so it didn’t feel empty. they were confused about the whole thing but felt so bad that i was upset that they never asked

**Chat: **And she named it.

**misterbug: __**_@Chat_ find a new partner

**Queenie: **What did you name it?

**misterbug: **… i named it after my kwami

**foxylady: **omg what

**Chat: **She told me that they sometimes hear her talking to Tikki and that they just pat her shoulder because they think she’s still upset and talking to this nonexistent hamster.

**misterbug: __**_@Chat_ ur dead to me

**foxylady: **who knew ladybug ruled upon a throne of lies

**misterbug: **this is why i hate lying

**misterbug: **sOO long story short: i don’t really come up with excuses. i just live with the consequences of being a flaky person bc i panic every time

**foxylady: **aw LB

**misterbug: **it’s okay tho!! anyway i gotta get to bed soon, it’s late. _@Chat_ watch ur back. bug out

**Nerdboy: **oooh someone’s in trouble.

**Chat: **:-[

**Chat: **Alright, I’m signing off, too. _@foxylady_ you better bring my corpse some croissants next team patrol.

**foxylady: **you can count on me. Good luck surviving until then!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	5. Pumpernickel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> setting the stage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Chat: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
Nerdboy: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[2:56am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**misterbug: **are u kidding me

**misterbug: __** _3am???_

**foxylady: **did you two get any sleep at all before the rest of us joined fulltime?

**Chat: **No. It’s like we’re new parents, except our newborn is a fully grown, deranged man who terrorizes Paris. I miss sleep.

**Nerdboy: **what if we ask him to stop nicely.

**misterbug: **papillon can eat my shorts

**Nerdboy: **or not.

**foxylady: **omw

**Nerdboy: **same.

**Chat: **Be careful, be there soon.

**Queenie: **I just woke up, I’m coming ASAP

**[5:09am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **My lady, are you okay? You were pretty out of it after you got hit, and you didn’t seem to be doing great when you left.

**Chat Noir: **Ladybug.

**Chat Noir: **Are you asleep?

**[5:15am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Nerdboy: **well that was exhausting.

**foxylady: **at least we fixed everything in the end, paris will be fine. I doubt most of them will even know there was a battle since it was so early

**Queenie: **You call that fine? Is Ladybug fine?

**foxylady: **i don’t know. _@misterbug_ how are you doing?

**Chat: **She won’t respond to my direct messages, either. I think she passed out once she got home, she isn’t much of a morning person. _@misterbug_ send us an update when you’re awake, please.

**Queenie: **What did that akuma’s blast do?

**Chat: **I don’t know, I just know that everyone hit started freaking out. LB didn’t panic but she was definitely acting weird after it got her. It’s my fault, I should have seen it coming.

**Queenie: **Hey, we all missed it. That’s not on you

**Nerdboy: **yeah _@Chat_ we’re a team, dude. we all could have done better, but things are gonna happen how they’re gonna happen. i’m sure she’s okay.

**foxylady: **might help if butterfly butt didn’t pull stunts in the middle of the night

**Queenie: **Does anyone know her identity? Could we check on her?

**Chat: **Thanks. And no, we just have to trust her to reach out if she isn’t okay.

**foxylady: **well this sucks

**Chat: **:-/ We should all just try to get some sleep before the day starts.

**[10:30am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **i’m okay

**Chat Noir: **What happened?! Are you sure? Do you need help?

**Chat Noir: **I will leave my school and come find you if you need me to.

**Ladybug: **i’m fine kitty, don’t skip class!!

**Ladybug: **u know how the guy was akumatized over sleep paralysis or night terrors or something? it was weird, i just started seeing things, like… it was hard to tell what was real and what wasn’t. lots of freaky stuff. and then i fell asleep as soon as i got home, sorry for not messaging sooner

**Chat Noir: **That sounds really scary. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.

**Ladybug: **u did though!

**Chat Noir: **You got hit, Ladybug.

**Ladybug: **that was on me, i was tired and not paying attention

**Ladybug: **but i was able to keep from spiralling bc u kept talking to me. i couldn’t understand what i was seeing and a lot of it was scary, but ur voice kept me grounded, i guess? like i knew i was okay bc u were there and u talked me through it. if that makes sense

**Chat Noir: **So… my voice saved you?

**Chat Noir: **My incredibly sexy, sultry, and attractive voice?

**Chat Noir: **;-)

**Ladybug: __**_technically_… yes. though there was this really freaky dog that looked like it was going to attack me and it would have helped if u could have punched it or something. i guess that’s not really possible with hallucinations though lol

**Chat Noir: **I would punch a million dogs for you, Ladybug.

**Ladybug: **i know, kitty. maybe don’t tell the press that though haha

**[11:10am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**misterbug: **i’m fine everyone, thank you for checking in. my timer was running out so i had to jet, and then i fell asleep and got to school late. you all are the best teammates a girl could ask for :)

**Nerdboy: **always here for you, LB. glad you’re okay!

**foxylady: **smh ladybug getting to school late, such a delinquent student

**Queenie: **Some of us are in class, could you all not blow up my phone

**Queenie: **WAit sorry, I didn’t realize it was you, Ladybug! Type away! I’m glad to hear that you’re alright

**Nerdboy: **how come it’s okay if LB types but not the rest of us?

**Queenie: **Because I have standards

**Nerdboy: **<(‘o'<)

**misterbug: **i have class too, i just wanted to check in. have a good day, bug out!

**Queenie: **Bye!

**[4:02pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Nerdboy: **hey, this isn’t really an emergency, but can i ask a question?

**foxylady: **i’m all ears

**Nerdboy: **not you.

**foxylady: **>:(

**Chat: **What’s up?

**Nerdboy: **i was just thinking about this morning. I’m still glad everything worked out, but have you all considered sharing identities? It would have made things a lot easier.

**Chat: **We’ve thought about it, but it’s too dangerous. And our kwamis won’t let us, anyway. _@misterbug_ can explain better than I can.

**Nerdboy: **but i mean, wouldn’t having that extra support be nice? Like i love having rena to talk to outside of the mask, and we wouldn’t have the same problem we had this morning where we couldn’t check on LB. plus we could send whatever here without worrying.

**misterbug: **chat’s right. i’ve thought about it a lot- chat and i both have. and we WOULD like to share, but tikki says it’s a bad idea. do you remember on heroes’ day when rena was hit? u were so compromised and distracted that u were hit as well

**Nerdboy: **yeah, you’re right. That makes sense.

**foxylady: **but couldn’t it also make us stronger as a team? I mean, we could have actually checked on you earlier instead of waiting and hoping for the best

**misterbug: **to an extent. the main concern is that one of us gets brainwashed or akumatized and that we tell papillon about the others. it’s already dangerous enough that one of our identities is known, it would be a disaster if all of us were exposed

**Nerdboy: **ah. like when we kept thinking we knew who the author of my immortal was.

**Nerdboy: **those were dark times.

**misterbug: **i’m also sorry for not responding quickly earlier, i didn’t mean to make u worry. i’m REALLY not a morning person rip

**Queenie: **If that’s the case then why keep me on the team?

**misterbug: **i mean it’s totally cool if ur a morning person, bee. chat is too

**Chat: **I draw my powers from both the sun AND anime.

**Queenie: **Ugh no, I mean if it’s such a liability, why do you let me continue to be Queen Bee? You keep saying that keeping our identities private is the most important thing but everyone knows who I am. So why don’t you take the comb back? If you don’t mind me asking, of course. I always wondered

**misterbug: **hold on

**misterbug: **i’m not ignoring you, this is just going to take me a minute to type up

**misterbug: **We would never remove a member of our team, Queen Bee. You found the Miraculous for a reason, and I honestly can’t imagine anyone else holding the comb. We all make mistakes- you didn’t know any better when you told others your identity. But you’ve grown a lot since then! You are decisive, courageous, clever, quick, and brave, and our team is so much stronger with you on it. We would have lost a long time ago if you weren’t on our side. We’re proud to have you, Bee.

**Nerdboy: **aww omg.

**misterbug: **Yes it does put your family at risk for akumatization, and you have to be extra careful not to be akumatized. But you’ve been strong, and we’ve handled your family being akumatized in the past. As long as we’re together there isn’t anything we can’t do. There’s more pressure on you because of your situation but we ARE a team. We are here to help and support you. We believe in you.

**Chat: ***_bee_-lieve

**misterbug: **don’t ruin it

**foxylady: **that was the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, every tooth in my mouth just turned into a cavity. pulling out the capitalization and everything. your wcw would never

**Queenie: **Thank you, Ladybug. That means a lot. I’m grateful to be Queen Bee and I promise not to let you down <3

**misterbug: **:) if u ever need a reminder don’t hesitate to ask for one. i’m a big fan of pep talks

**Chat: **Can vouch.

**Nerdboy: **okay i understand the whole identity thing now. But do you think there’s a chance we’ll ever be able to share our identities with each other in the future?

**Queenie: **It would be nice to learn who you all are

**misterbug: **i think after we defeat papillon. i’d like to share, too

**foxylady: **aww she does love us

**misterbug: **of course i do!! do i not make that clear? i’m not the best with communication

**foxylady: **AWW SHE DOES LOVE US

**foxylady: **WE LOVE YOU TOO LADYBUG

**misterbug: **!! i’m sorry if i haven’t made that clear in the past, i do love u all. i love this team, i picked u all for a reason

**Nerdboy: **<3 <3

**Queenie: **Love you, too

**Chat: **You didn’t pick me, so… ?

**misterbug: **smh

**misterbug: **u already know i love u chat u just want me to say it

**Chat: **;-) And you know how I feel, my lady.

**Nerdboy: **alright get a room, you two.

**Nerdboy: **follow up question, and sorry if i’m pushing things now: could we start to use this chat for more than just emergencies? I mean we kind of already are, but i wanted to double check. I really like talking with you all

**misterbug: **i guess we already do… and i like it too. i’m just worried about someone sharing something they shouldn’t

**Nerdboy: **valid.

**Chat: **What if we set up a safe word? If someone starts sharing something too personal or identifiable, we can send in the safe word and we’ll immediately change conversation topics.

**misterbug: **… i’m listening

**foxylady: **what about something random, like “pumpernickel”

**Nerdboy: **I use pumpernickel too much in my regular vocabulary.

**foxylady: **like when??

**Queenie: **Let’s keep it simple. What about “apricots”?

**misterbug: **love it

**Chat: **:-) Apricots it is.

**Nerdboy: **so sending things outside of missions is okay? Just double checking.

**misterbug: **yeah, it’s fine. i guess it’ll help with team bonding. but we still need to use this for alerts and emergencies and etc.

**Nerdboy: **!! okay!! thank you!! You won’t regret it!!

**foxylady: **you definitely will

**Nerdboy: **and i still haven’t forgotten my mission to give _@Chat_ the perfect chat name. It might take months. It might take years. but i will succeed.

**Chat: **I feel like I’m in some kind of nickname purgatory.

**Chat: **When shall I be freed.

**Nerdboy: **THATS IT

_**Nerdboy** has changed **Chat**’s name to **Purrchatoire**._

**misterbug: **oh god

**foxylady: **pffft stupid

**Purrchatoire: **I LOVE IT THANK YOU!

**Nerdboy: **this isn’t the final name, this is just temporary. Wield your power wisely.

**Purrchatoire: **I _paw_-mise not to let you down.

**misterbug: **don’t encourage him with a pun name, now he’ll never stop

**Purrchatoire: **You know I’m just _kitten _around, my lady.

**misterbug: **stop

**Purrchatoire: **I think it’s a _purr_-fect name.

**misterbug: **ugh

**Purrchatoire: **You need to get rid of that _claw-_ful _cat-_itude. _Fur _real, these are good puns.

**misterbug: **>:(

**Queenie: **I’m going to burn my phone

**Purrchatoire: __**_Fur_-tunately, I could go all day. I’m really _feline _these puns. I think they’re _claw_-ver and provide lots of _paw_-ssibilities.

**misterbug: **save me

**Purrchatoire: __**_Purr_-haps you need a better sense of humor. I’m being _hiss_-terical right _meow_. These _claw_-some puns have such _paw_-er, it would be a _cat_-astrophe if I had to stop. They’re like _mew_-sic to my ears. Don’t you agree, my _purr_-ty _furr_-iend?

**misterbug: **APRICOTS

**[5:13pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **For real though, are you sure you want to release full reign on this group chat? You were pretty strict at first about wanting to keep things to a minimum.

**Ladybug: **i know, and i feel a bit hypocritical about it but. idk everyone really wants it, and carapace was right. we’ve already been stretching it and it’s been fun just talking to everyone. i think as long as we’re careful it could be nice

**Chat Noir: **No matter what happens I have your back, my lady.

**Ladybug: **don’t think i’ve forgotten about the hamster story u liar

**Chat Noir: **… 

**Chat Noir: **I was hoping that had been swept under the rug. But listen, I know what lines not to cross! Like, I would _never _bring up what happened with M. Haprèle last summer in the group chat. You know, the second time we saw him?

**Ladybug: **u know it’s funny

**Ladybug: **i could have sworn i forbade us from ever speaking that poor man’s name ever again

**Chat Noir: **Ah, but see, I _typed _it! Loopholes. ;-)

**Ladybug: **ah

**Ladybug: **wonder what loopholes are gonna save u at patrol tonight

**Ladybug: **u talk a big game about how nice ur butt is, are u ready to see it served to u on a plate?

**Chat Noir: **Um. Now, hold on a second.

**Ladybug: **i certainly can’t think of any loopholes that would save u, but ur clever. maybe u’ll figure something out before then

**Chat Noir: **My lady, let’s not be hasty.

**Ladybug: **see u tonight, chaton ;)

**Chat Noir: **Aw crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *awkwardly tries to explain the current status of identities through group chat*
> 
> originally this fic had plot and this chapter was the one that set the stage for future conversations. then i took the plot out. so this still helps with setting but don't take anything in this fic seriously, they're all idiots
> 
> thank you all for the very kind reviews on the last chapter! that one was a BLAST to write.
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	6. Chat's Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> extra evil extracurriculars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
Nerdboy: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[6:33am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Purrchatoire: **Anyone have Papillon on speed dial? I need an akuma this afternoon to get out of a thing.

**Nerdboy: **sure, let me just slide into his dm’s real quick.

**foxylady: **lmao. does papillon have dm’s?

**Queenie: **Well, he has a civilian identity. He might have an Instagram. Someone might literally slide into Papillon’s DM’s today

**Nerdboy: **hot.

**Purrchatoire: **Normally I’d tell the guy off for being terrible but today I need a favor.

**Queenie: **What’s your ‘thing’ that’s so terrible?

**Purrchatoire: **There’s this girl in my class who is really obvious about having a crush on me and she’s super touchy feely. She keeps trying to force us to hang out, and I guess I said no too many times so she set it up with my father.

**Queenie: **She _what?_

**Purrchatoire: **Yeah, I don’t know how they got in touch but he just told me that I’m supposed to be tutoring her this afternoon. I already know she doesn’t need tutoring.

**Nerdboy: **… she talks privately with your dad? uh,

**Queenie: **Did you tell your father that you don’t like being around her?

**Purrchatoire: **I did, but he just says that she’s a good influence. I’m not sure what they talked about but he seems to really like her.

**Nerdboy: **uH,

**foxylady: **have you told her upfront that you don’t like her?

**Purrchatoire: **Kind of? I mean, she acts out a lot for attention, so I tried telling her that she could get friends without doing that. I don’t think she gets it, though.

**Queenie: **You need to be more direct. Just tell her to leave you alone

**Purrchatoire: **I would, but now my father will be upset with me if I speak out. I can’t go against what he says.

**Nerdboy: **maybe this could be your healthy dose of teenage rebellion?

**Nerdboy: **you know the classic “That’s your dream dad, not mine!” and then you storm out.

**Purrchatoire: **:-) I appreciate the idea, but I can’t. And I can’t really explain why without possibly saying identity stuff.

**Nerdboy: __** _the forbidden fruit._

**foxylady: **well, if we’re lucky, something bad will happen today! then you can dip out

**Nerdboy: **that’s the spirit!

**[8:12am]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**misterbug: **1\. we really need to change the name of this chat, i feel so conceited when i message in it

**misterbug: **2\. it’s reassuring to know that the top heroes of paris spend their time hoping an evil villain will attack

**misterbug: **fr though, good luck chat! u can do it! reach out to us after if u need to vent, i’m sorry ur in that situation

**[3:15pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Purrchatoire: **AHAAAAA _YES!_

**misterbug: **i can’t believe it

**Purrchatoire: **AKUMA AT COLLÈGE FRANÇIOSE DUPONT!

**Purrchatoire: **They’re in the courtyard! Something to do with dodgeball, I think. Watch out for the projectiles.

**misterbug: **no one can ever learn that we were excited for an akuma. paris will fire us

**misterbug: **master fu wouldn’t be mad, he’d be disappointed, and that’s worse

**Nerdboy: __**_@foxylady_ and i are otw!

**Queenie: **Already here

**[3:32pm]**

** _LBFanClub_ **

**Purrchatoire: **:-(

**Queenie: **Wow, I think that was the shortest akuma battle we’ve ever had

**foxylady: **we’re really growing as a team! that was amazing!!

**Purrchatoire: __** _: - ((((((_

**misterbug: **oh chat. i’m sorry, i know u were banking on that taking longer

**misterbug: **are u sure u can’t come up with some sort of excuse to get out of it?

**Purrchatoire: **No, my father would see right through it. It’ll be okay I think. I’ll keep you all updated.

**misterbug: **we’re here if u need us <3

**foxylady: **that’s so rough

_**Nerdboy **has changed the chat name to **FurryFriends**._

**Queenie: **Um?

**Nerdboy: **SORRY i was going through missed messages and saw LB ask for a chat name change, i’m realizing now i didn’t read the room before doing that yikes.

**Nerdboy: **you can do it chat noir!! you’ve got it, dude.

**misterbug: **furries?? two of us are bugs??

**Queenie: ***Insects

**misterbug: **you’re literally a turtle what part of this is furry

**Nerdboy: **good point.

**Nerdboy: **we need something grittier. something extreme. something that sparks fear in papillon’s heart.

_**Nerdboy** has changed the chat name to **TheExterminators**._

**Nerdboy: **get it? cause we kill butterflies. _exterminators_.

**Queenie: **As someone with powers based on an insect, I’m not a big fan

**misterbug: **ditto. plus i don’t kill them?

**Nerdboy: **rip now i’m just imagining you smiling and saying goodbye as a dead butterfly falls on the ground.

**misterbug: **:(

**foxylady: **well i have an idea for something that 1. Isn’t about death and 2. Really captures the essence of our team, in my opinion

**foxylady: **you might not see it at first but i think it truly reflects who we are and what we stand for

_**foxylady **has changed the chat name to **Rena&TheRest**._

**Queenie: **You’re kidding me

**misterbug: **i know u meant that as a joke but u know what? i’m cool w it

**Queenie: **What?

**foxylady: **really??

**Nerdboy: **ooh sounds like a cool indie band, i’m in. i call being drummer.

**foxylady: **;)

**Queenie: **Whatever, fine, sure

**[4:47pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Queenie: **.. Hello again

**Queenie: **I have a bit of an awkward question but I have no one else to ask

**Queenie: __**_@foxylady_ you and Carapace are dating, right?

**Nerdboy: **god i hope so.

**foxylady: **yep! why, what’s up

**Queenie: **How did you two… ask each other out? On a date, I mean

**foxylady: __** _OH? _

**foxylady: **is Queen Bee _dating??_

**Queenie: **Forget it, I’m going to just Google it

**foxylady: **no no it’s okay, sorry! I just wasn’t expecting for you to share that with us. that’s exciting

**Queenie: **Well, it _would _be except that I have no idea what I’m doing

**Queenie: **I’m on the Taimi app talking to people but I’m not sure how to move past general conversations to actually asking them on dates. Women are so confusing

**Nerdboy: **thought that said worms.

**Queenie: **I was just hoping that you might have some advice

**foxylady: **aww

**Nerdboy: **i’ll be honest, we have a pretty unique story? we knew each other in person and then got stuck together for an afternoon, and it just all worked out.

**Nerdboy: **we got lucky in finding each other right before dating apps blew up so i never really learned how to use them, sorry.

**foxylady: **luckily i am an expert!!

**Nerdboy: **.. wait.

**foxylady: **what kinds of conversations are you having with them?

**Nerdboy: **can we backtrack some, how exactly are you an expert.

**foxylady: **don’t stress, you know i play matchmaker. I snoop on friends’ accounts for research purposes 

**foxylady: **gotta be familiar with the field before i send my best players in

**Queenie: **I think they’re normal conversations. There’s one girl I’ve been messaging who I really like and we’ve been talking about our upbringings and parents

**foxylady: **hmm. Has it been super personal? idk that’s normally more intense for a text conversation than i would go for

**Queenie: **Ugh, this is useless, forget I even asked

**misterbug: **try telling her that u enjoy the conversation and that u’d love to talk even more in person, and then suggest a coffeeshop that u like

**misterbug: **and that’s not too intense for a text conversation, wlw normally get deep pretty fast

**misterbug: **i’m proud of u for even messaging her in the first place, i was a coward and couldn’t bring myself to ever message other girls

**foxylady: __** _oh?_

**Queenie: **Thank you! For the advice, and the vulnerability. I assumed I was the only queer one on the team

**misterbug: **of course! and yeah i like all genders but don’t really stick to a label

**Nerdboy: **friendly neighborhood trans hero carapace reporting for duty.

**misterbug: **and chat noir is very proudly bi and ace, so u definitely aren’t alone, queenie :) 

**foxylady: **oh dang am i the token straight/cis hero?

**Nerdboy: **someone’s gotta be, otherwise marvel wouldn’t air our movie.

**misterbug: **fjdjksksa

**Nerdboy: **you know i’m right.

**foxylady: **i’d like to backtrack a little if that’s okay. _@misterbug_ so you’ve used dating apps before?

**misterbug: **yeah, but not recently. why? 

**foxylady: **juuuuust curious. when exactly did you stop using them?

**misterbug: **a few months ago…?

**foxylady: **is there any particular reason you got off them?

**misterbug: **uhm. no

**foxylady: **see i’m just wondering bc most people only get off dating apps when they start, you know

**foxylady: **dating

**misterbug: **i’m not dating anyone rn

**foxylady: **idk, sounds like something a ladybug who actually WAS dating someone in secret would say

**misterbug: **i’m def not dating anyone lol

**foxylady: **that proves it. Geez

**foxylady: **i can’t believe ladybug has a secret lover. a Mme. or M. miraculous on the side

**Nerdboy: **don’t forget mx. maybe they’re a mx. miraculous.

**foxylady: **ooh and i shouldn’t assume things, maybe ladybug is polyamorous. maybe there are multiple people in her pocket

**misterbug: **i’m not dating anyone!

**foxylady: **is it someone on the team? Someone in your civilian life? how hot are they on a scale of one to ten?

**misterbug: **there’s no one!!

**foxylady: **are you sure? you get flustered when i ask about love life in person, sure seems like you have a secret friend(s)

**misterbug: **we’re not dating, it’s just a crush!

**misterbug: **…

**misterbug: **uh. i mean

**foxylady: **I KNEW IT

**misterbug: **now hold on

**foxylady: **AHAHA I KNEW YOU WERE CRUSHING ON SOMEONE

**foxylady: **how long??? what are they like?? Give us details!!

**misterbug: **ahhhhhhhHH

**foxylady: **okay okay, i’ll back off. I’m onto you though, missy

**foxylady: **MY crush is super hot but not as funny as he likes to think he is

**Nerdboy: **wait who do you have a crush on?

**Nerdboy: **oh wait it’s me, isn’t it.

**Nerdboy:** ahaha that’s embarrassing for you! rena has a crush on me.

**foxylady: **we’re literally dating, babe

**Nerdboy: **still.

**[8:25pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Purrchatoire: **I survived.

**foxylady: **do i need to beat anyone up for you?

**Queenie: **I’d help

**Purrchatoire: **No, thank you. It wasn’t terrible, it was just weird.

**Purrchatoire: **She was all over me for 2 hours and then she went to talk with my father? They talked for like 40 minutes in his office with the door closed and I wasn’t allowed to join.

**Nerdboy: **UH..

**Purrchatoire: **What could they have been talking about?

**Nerdboy: **i don’t… i can’t… _@foxylady_ help me. he’s too innocent.

**Purrchatoire: **?

**foxylady: **hey chat i mean this in the nicest possible way, but is your father a daddy

**misterbug: **RENA

**Purrchatoire: **Yeah, he’s my father?

**misterbug: **DONT

**misterbug: **YOU

**Nerdboy: **let her SPEAK.

**misterbug: **DARE

**foxylady: **no, chat, i mean like… can your dad, get it

**Queenie: **Oh my god

**misterbug: **rena doNT pleaSE

**Purrchatoire: **Get… what?

**Queenie: **Oh my godd

**foxylady: **Chat, do you think your friend was hooking up with your dad?

**misterbug: **!rENA _nO!_

**Nerdboy: **IT’S A VALID QUESTION.

**Nerdboy: **thank you rena rouge for having more guts than anyone else in this indie band.

**foxylady: **this is why i’m main singer and you all are backup vocals

**Purrchatoire: **Oh my god.

**Purrchatoire: **I mean… I don’t… I don’t _think _so? He’s pretty well-known, but not for… that.

**Purrchatoire: **I’m going to have nightmares tonight.

**Purrchatoire: **The image is stuck in my mind, oh my god.

**misterbug: **u broke him

**misterbug: **u took my perfectly good partner and gave him anxiety, look at what u did

**Nerdboy:** I can’t think of any other reason why a teenage girl would have a personal relationship with your dad and then come over to hang out with him in _private_. if that’s not it then i’m also lost, dude.

**Purrchatoire: **It’s definitely _not _that. I don’t… think she would, and my father would never. No way.

**Purrchatoire: **Either way, she left an hour or so ago, so I’m fine now. Minus the traumatizing images that will never leave my head. Thank you for that.

**foxylady: **next time we’ll try to hunt down papillon so we can actually slide into his dm’s and get a long akuma battle for you

**Nerdboy: **“hey hawkdaddy, mind sending us a little trouble this afternoon?”

**Queenie: **Gross

**foxylady: **lmao “oh hawkdaddy, i would sure love it if you were a bit _naughty _today”

**misterbug: ** NOPE 

**misterbug: **IM ENDING THIS RIGHT NOW CONVERSATION OVER

**misterbug: **BUG OUT

**foxylady: **lol i think we broke her too

**foxylady: **come on LB, he’s gotta know how to get down and dirty

**misterbug: **I SAID _BUG O U T. _GOODBYE

**Nerdboy: **look as heroes we gotta face the facts, and the facts are that maybe papillon fucks.

**misterbug: __** _N O_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fr though do adrien and his friends not find lila privately meeting with his dad to be... super weird? 
> 
> poll for the comment section! who's hotter: chat's daddy or papillon
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	7. Leggy in the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> transformation central

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
Nerdboy: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**Thursday**

**[1:55pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**misterbug: **sorry i’m messaging during school hours but is anyone free for me to vent to

**Queenie: **Yes, I live on my phone

**misterbug: **didn’t you ask us not to message during class hours just the other day?

**Queenie: **That’s because I use my class time to work on my social media and the notifications were annoying me. I never pay attention in class

**misterbug: **i’m feeling conflicted bc as a hero i should tell u to study hard but also ur a hero too and u have autonomy

**Queenie: **Are we just going to ignore that you are also on your phone?

**misterbug: **good point

**misterbug: **okay so i’m gonna try to be vague. there’s this girl that is just. driving me up the wall. she lies ALL the TIME and they’re building up to be pretty big ones

**misterbug: **i’ve tried to point out inconsistencies in her lies but she’s really good at covering them up so others don’t see them. and the girl even threatened me at one point over them?? i was upset at first but now i’m just pissed

**misterbug: **idk i just don’t know what to do anymore. she’s also intruding on a friend’s personal boundaries but he’s told me to let it drop so things don’t escalate

**misterbug: **but today she was just. too much UGH i don’t know what to do

**Queenie: **What sort of things is she lying about?

**misterbug: **i can’t say specifics :/ but it’s all stuff to make herself look good and to lead people on. i’m worried that she’s going to make a promise to one of my friends that she won’t be able to keep

**misterbug: **i’ve mostly been staying out of it but when she was bothering a friend today i tried to speak up and she started spreading more lies about me bleHH

**misterbug: **it’s just getting really old

**Queenie: **And your friends won’t listen to you?

**misterbug: **they do, but i don’t think they see everything that i do. and she’s nice to them, so i get why they wouldn’t understand why it upsets me. plus she twists her stories a lot so that i’m at fault

**Queenie: **Your friends should still back you up.

**misterbug: **it’s okay i’m really not trying to diss them, they just. don’t have the same perspective/experience i do with her

**misterbug: **and one of my friends told me i should just drop it but then she keeps blowing everything up and it’s sO haRD

**misterbug: **sorry, not trying to be super negative in here. i just can’t talk about her anywhere else bc people unintentionally dismiss what i say

**Queenie: **Your friends should support you. And not sorry, but your friend gave you bad advice when he said to drop it. The only way to handle someone like that is to call them out in front of everyone

**misterbug: **i think she’d still find a way to twist it so i’m in the wrong. i just gotta ignore her as best i can

**Queenie: **Well, you can vent here whenever you’d like. We’ll support you

**misterbug: **thanks bee <3

**[3:55pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Someone _threatened _you?! And you didn’t tell me?!

**Ladybug: **it’s ok, kitty! she’s just school drama, it’s not a big deal

**Chat Noir: **Pretty sure it is! I mean, what did she do? What happened?

**Ladybug: **idk she confronted me and said that she’d win over my friends, i guess? i was stupid and let her get to my head and was almost akumatized, but i’m fine now and i know better

**Ladybug: **i mean she’s still super frustrating but i’m gonna try not to let her rule my life, u know?

**Chat Noir: **YOU WERE ALMOST AKUMATIZED?!

**Ladybug: **it’s ok!!! i managed to talk myself down, no worries

**Chat Noir: **LADYBUG!

**Chat Noir: **You need to TELL ME THESE THINGS!

**Ladybug: **well it’s not like we had messaging then! and i got over it pretty quickly, i’m trying not to let her make school miserable. it’s just that today particularly sucked

**Chat Noir: **We still had patrol to talk! My lady, you should have told me.

**Ladybug: **i know, i’m sorry. i didn’t want to worry u

**Chat Noir: **It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I’ve just never thought about what would happen if I had to fight you. That’s a scary thought.

**Ladybug: **yeah that would be bad for paris, i’d kick ur butt

**Chat Noir: **I know!

**Chat Noir: **What did she do today that was so terrible?

**Ladybug: **UGH

**Ladybug: **one of my friends is really sweet and she was ALL over him, and it was obvious that he was uncomfortable. i tried to talk to him to get him out of the conversation with her but she got mad, and after class she confronted me again and said if i tried anything she’d tell him about my old crush on him

**Ladybug: **and like. i love him as a friend and i’ll always be fond of him, but i’m really working hard to move past that crush. it would obviously be embarrassing if he found out but my main issue is that he doesn’t have many friends so i don’t want him to feel like he can’t lean on me if he needs to

**Chat Noir: **You really are too kind for this world, did you know that? She’s threatening you and you’re still worried about that guy instead of yourself. He should have dated you when he had the chance.

**Ladybug: **it never would have happened fjdfjsa, i couldn’t even speak full sentences around him. i still can’t, really. it’s hard getting over someone, i’m still in the process 

**Chat Noir: **Anyone who passes up on you is an idiot. Is this the same guy you used to talk about?

**Ladybug: **yeah, it is. i realized that he was never going to like me back, plus a few other things happened, so i’ve been working hard to move on. and it’s been nice! i like having him as a friend, even if i still stumble over my words a lot

**Chat Noir: **A few other things happened? 

**Chat Noir: **I, uh. I might have noticed you mentioning you had a crush in the group chat the other day.

**Ladybug: **.

**Chat Noir: **Is… is that one of the reasons you’ve started moving past him?

**Ladybug: **uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuyesmaybe

**Chat Noir: **I don’t want to overstep so you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but could I… ask who it is?

**Ladybug: **

|￣￣￣￣￣ | 

| N O |

| ＿＿＿＿＿| 

(\\__/) || 

(•ㅅ•) || 

/ づ

**Chat Noir: **HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!

**[5:39pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**foxylady: **akuma parading down champs-elysées

**foxylady: **it like. _hurts _to look at him

**Nerdboy: **we should get our designer friend to start working for papillon cause these costumes are wild.

**foxylady: **as if papillon would recognize true fashion

**Queenie: **Here

**Purrchatoire: **Stuck in a thing but I’ll be there as soon as I can!

**misterbug: **coming!

**[6:15pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Purrchatoire: **Coming!

**[6:41pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Queenie: **I’ve been working hard on being less judgemental but it’s not just me, right? That was utterly ridiculous

**Nerdboy: **homeboy got lost in the sauce.

**Queenie: **Who gets that upset over Disneyland closing early? I don’t care that he had kids, why was he so mad that they close early before Armistice Day?

**Purrchatoire: **He was American, they have different holidays.

**Queenie: **Still

**foxylady: **i saw a really cool clip of the fight on the ladyblog! that girl really is something, isn’t she

**Nerdboy: **not a fan tbh.

**foxylady: **i bet she’s going to be a star reporter one day

**Queenie: **As if. She doesn’t even fact check her “sources” before posting things, the blog is full of crap

**foxylady: **well that’s. that’s a strong opinion. What makes you say that?

**Queenie: **There are five interviews from Lila Rossi on there. I know her in my civilian form, and I know for a fact that what she’s saying isn’t true

**misterbug: **… u do?

**foxylady: **i don’t know her personally, but just from watching the videos a lot of it seems to be accurate

**Queenie: **Trust me, it’s not. If the girl running it bothered looking into those stories at all she’d realize that they’re all made up

**foxylady: **maybe. or maybe you have a bad relationship with this lila girl and are biased 

**Queenie: **Whatever, I can have an opinion. It’s not like it affects you at all

**foxylady: **you’re right. Let’s change topics

**misterbug: **i was in the middle of doing homework when the alert went off and i hadn’t saved my work, and by the time i got back my computer had died :) :) :)

**Nerdboy: **oh nooooo!!! f.

**foxylady: **aren’t you supposed to be the good luck hero?

**misterbug: **someone tell that to my two brain cells

**[10:58pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Nerdboy: **random question: does anyone else do a fun pose when transforming?

**Nerdboy: **i was talking about stuff with _@foxylady_ and we realized that we both did little poses when transforming. i need to know if we’re squares or if you all do it too.

**Queenie: **What do you mean?

**Nerdboy: **like.

**Nerdboy: **okay you can’t laugh at us if it’s just us.

**Nerdboy: **but when i transform i do a back spin.

**misterbug: **WHAT

**foxylady: **lmao i dab

**Purrchatoire: **A true hero.

**Queenie: **I move my hands with my transformation because I don’t know what to do with them otherwise, but I definitely don’t dance or dab, what is wrong with you

**Purrchatoire: **I swipe my hands around like a cat just to get in the mood.

**misterbug: **please tell me ur kidding

**Purrchatoire: **>;-3

**Nerdboy: **we really need to talk about how you put noses in every emoticon. it’s 2019 why do they need the ability to smell.

**Purrchatoire: **>;-(

**foxylady: __**_@misterbug_ let she who has not sinned cast the first stone

**foxylady: **are you telling us you don’t embellish your transformation?

**misterbug: **i mean i might uh

**misterbug: **i might like. spin a lil

**Nerdboy: **i’m sorry, you spin?

**foxylady: **are we talking a casual spin or a full on ice-skater leggy in the air kind of spin?

**misterbug: **… the latter

**Purrchatoire: **And you were going to make fun of me.

**misterbug: **u SWIPE the AIR???

**Purrchatoire: **It’s for _EFFECT. _Why do you spin?! Who is it for?

**misterbug: **for ME

**Nerdboy: **lol i like back spinning because i feel like it gives my kwami a challenge when he’s trying to transform me.

**Nerdboy: **can’t make it too easy for him.

**foxylady: **i dab because dabbing never dies

**Queenie: **I can’t believe I willingly fight alongside you all

**Purrchatoire: **It’s ‘cause you love us.

**Queenie: **Whatever

**Purrchatoire: __**_@Nerdboy_ if I pulled that stunt with my kwami he would pester me for hours, is yours pretty chill with it?

**Nerdboy: **yeah he’s cool! and he’s easy to feed cause he just likes carrots so that’s nice.

**Purrchatoire: __** _WHAT?!_

**Queenie: **Do you all carry around food? Mine just eats from whatever flowers are nearby

**foxylady: **mine kept asking for live mice but settled with me giving her apple slices lol, i wasn’t about to figure out how to have live mice on me at all times

**misterbug: **my kwami likes cookies, but they’re super easy for me to get a hold of so it’s worked out nicely. i’m just tired of all my jacket pockets and purses having cookie crumbs in them haha

**Purrchatoire: **You’ve got to be kidding me. Mine _only _eats camembert. Do you all know how bad that smells?! I always reek of cheese!

**foxylady: **mine prefers one food but was fine eating another, could you ask them to compromise?

**Purrchatoire: **I just did and he said “If you even look at this cheese I will hurt you. And tell that fox girl to keep her trap shut.”

**Nerdboy: **well THAT’s intense.

**Purrchatoire: **“I know what I’m about.”

**misterbug: **do you all ever think about papillon’s transformation. or mayura’s, for that matter

**Queenie: **I can’t see him doing any twirling but I bet he’s just some nerd with glasses and a vest or something underneath his ridiculous mask

**foxylady: **some people wear glasses to cope

**Nerdboy: **do you think the two of them are a thing? like some kind of team rocket kind of dating, kind of not evil villain relationship.

**Purrchatoire: **If they are I hope they’re not somebody’s parents. That would be rough.

**misterbug: **tbh as much as mayura sucks i like her outfit

**Purrchatoire: **Are you seriously complimenting Mayura?

**misterbug: **not _her_!! i’m just saying that as far as _designs_ go, hers is elegant

**Nerdboy: **ladybug would turn evil in a heartbeat if they offered her a better costume.

**misterbug: **it’s just SPOTS. it’s just loud and red with sPOTS 

**Purrchatoire: **I think it looks beautiful on you.

**misterbug: **i’ve

**misterbug: **oh. thank u chat. but don’t compliment me when i’m sulking

**misterbug: **i’ve asked tikki like a million times to change my costume up some but she refuses

**Nerdboy: **it’s iconique.

**Queenie: **If it helps, mine is as yellow as the sun and just as blinding

**misterbug: **it does help a little bit, thank u

**misterbug: **#teaminsect

**Purrchatoire: **Well, I love my costume.

**foxylady: **that’s cause you have pockets you privileged baby

**Purrchatoire: **Does yours not have pockets?

**foxylady: **does it look like it has pockets??

**Queenie: **Nope

**misterbug: **nothing

**Nerdboy: **i don’t either

**Purrchatoire: **I can’t believe I’m the most powerful team member.

**foxylady: **no need to brag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so originally this fic had some plot and lila played a role, which is why she's such a big factor in these few chapters. then i took the plot out, soo this chapter is now just to get out some lila salt. she isn't relevant to the larger fic
> 
> winner of last chapter's poll: write-in option mayura. what a goddess.
> 
> i'm also so sorry about the bunny, y'all. i spent so long trying to figure out how to code that and that one line just won't work with me. i've tried. i'm sorry. accept my failure plz


	8. Free Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ships and sailors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
Nerdboy: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[2:56am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **hey, r u awake? my insomnia is kicking in and i’m so bored

**[4:32am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **jk ignore my last message it’s all good

**[6:45am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Sorry, I’m awake now.

**Chat Noir: **I’m assuming you’ve crashed by now, but reach out whenever you wake up. :-)

**[10:15am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**foxylady: **i’d say happy armistice day but it’s not really a celebratory holiday

**Nerdboy: **i’m just so happy to have school off. so much drama in class lately.

**foxylady: **preach

**Purrchatoire: **I actually have the day off for work for once, I don’t even know what to do with myself. What is this “free time” you all speak of?

**Nerdboy: **it’s like regular time but you don’t get money for it.When i have free time i usually play video games and fight the man.

**Purrchatoire: **What man?

**Nerdboy: **the eternal concept. the infamous legend. The inventor of capitalism.

**Nerdboy: **tom nook.

**foxylady: **god i need a job

**Nerdboy: **not everyone can be successful businessmen like chat noir and me. true men of class out here making minimum wage.

**Purrchatoire: **I actually don’t know how much I make, the business is run through family. How much is minimum wage?

**Queenie: **Finally, someone of class

**Nerdboy: __** _did you just ask what minimum wage is?_

**Purrchatoire: **Sorry! I can Google it, I know.

**Nerdboy: **THAT’S NOT WHY I’M SHOOK DUDE.

**foxylady: **never would have pegged chat noir as a rich dude but i can see it. he’s got the hips

**Purrchatoire: **I mean, it’s all family stuff, I wasn’t ever allowed to get a different job. 

**Purrchatoire: **Is that… bad?

**foxylady: **no! having money isn’t a bad thing, we didn’t mean to make you feel guilty over something you can’t control

**Nerdboy: **yeah i can’t be classist i have a rich friend.

**foxylady: **it’s just an experience we aren’t used to, that’s all

**foxylady: **though like if you wanted to buy us team sweatshirts i wouldn’t oppose

**Nerdboy: **we’d look so cool. like voltron but before all the writer harassment.

**Nerdboy: **i call dibs on wearing the ladybug sweatshirt.

**Queenie: **I think having money makes you a bit more interesting, but that’s also a personal bias that I recognize as a flaw and is something I’m working to get over

**foxylady: **!!! 

**Nerdboy: **heck yeah we love a personal growth queen!

**Queenie: **Thanks I guess

**foxylady: **we’ve all got stuff to work on

**Purrchatoire: **I don’t, I’m _purr_-fect.

**Nerdboy: **true.

**Purrchatoire: **Just kidding. I think sometimes I have trouble seeing outside my own perspective, if that makes sense? I’ve been told that I give bad advice.

**foxylady: **valid. i’m working on not being so aggressive with what i want. there’s a difference between being assertive and being a jerk and sometimes i cross that line

**Nerdboy: **you’re hot while you do it though.

**foxylady: **;)

**Nerdboy: **i’m learning how to stand up for myself more. it’s easy for me to speak up for friends but harder for me to advocate for myself.

**Queenie: **Oh. I guess you all weren’t kidding, you’re working on stuff too

**foxylady: **team #growth

**Nerdboy: **what about ladybug?

**Queenie: **She obviously needs to learn how to lie better

**foxylady: **i’m still weak at that hamster story ohmigod

**Purrchatoire: **She’ll probably jump in later when she wakes up, she was up really late and hates mornings so she’s likely still sleeping.

**foxylady: **oh?

**foxylady: **how do you know she was up late?

**Purrchatoire: **She messaged me.

**foxylady: **do you two have many late-night private conversations?

**Purrchatoire: **Uh.. some? It’s not a regular thing but it’s also not abnormal. Why?

**foxylady: **no reason. juuuuuuust curioussss

**misterbug: **i heard someone mention the hamster story, i am now awake

**Nerdboy: **it’s a group chat how did you hear it?

**misterbug: **my ladybug senses were tingling

**misterbug: **also something i gotta work on is pettiness

**Queenie: **Really? That was unexpected

**misterbug: **half of the time i can convince myself to rise above but i get caught up in daily drama really easily tbh

**misterbug: **we’ll get there

**foxylady: **if i wasn’t stuck babysitting with _@Nerdboy_ i’d offer for us all to group hang on a random roof somewhere and we could continue our conversation on growth in person

**Queenie: **I actually have plans today

**Nerdboy: **you have friends outside of us? wow okay rude.

**Queenie: **It’s a date, if you must know. Ladybug’s advice worked

**Nerdboy: **:O :D

**foxylady: **GO GET HER GOOD LUCK

**misterbug: **just be urself! i’m sure she’s lovely <3

**Queenie: **Thanks :)

**Purrchatoire: **Weeeeeeell I’m free!

**misterbug: **me too

**Purrchatoire: **:-D Message me!

**foxylady: **ooh private convo, must be spicy

**misterbug: **hush u

**[10:45am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **sorry just saw ur message! this is me reaching out now

**Chat Noir: **Want to meet up on the tower in 20?

**Ladybug: **yes!

**Chat Noir: **Was something in particular keeping you up last night?

**Ladybug: **nah, just random insomnia. it happens sometimes, esp if i’m getting really into a project like i was last night. no worries!

**Ladybug: **i could bring my old gameboy? the one we used to play on patrol?

**Chat Noir: **YES! SEE YOU SOON!

**[12:50pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**foxylady: __**_@Purrchatoire_ and _@misterbug_ you know that everyone can see you, right

**Purrchatoire: **What do you mean?

**foxylady: **check the ladyblog, someone got pics of you two hanging out and posted them

**foxylady: **you two are sitting awfully close together hmm?

**Purrchatoire: **Because Ladybug fell asleep five minutes after she got here?

**foxylady: **what

**Purrchatoire: **I’m typing with one hand right now because I don’t want to wake her up, she was exhausted from staying up all night and fell asleep on my shoulder. I’m just up here playing Pokemon.

**foxylady: **oh. I thought maybe… nevermind

**foxylady: **chat noir i need to know: does ladybug snore

**Purrchatoire: **No, but she drools a lot. My shoulder is going to be slimy when she wakes up.

**foxylady: **rip

**Purrchatiore: **It’s cute, though.

**foxylady: **take a pic!! Do it for the people!!

**Purrchatoire: **You know Ladybug would kill me if I gave you any blackmail material.

**foxylady: **was worth a try

**foxylady: **either way the ladynoir tags are blowing up

**Purrchatoire: **The what?

**Purrchatoire: **Dang it.

**foxylady: **what?

**misterbug: **i’m awake whas happned

**Purrchatoire: **I flinched. :-(

**Nerdboy: **way to go rena, they were so cute.

**foxylady: **i just thought they deserved to know! #ladynoir is trending rn

**Purrchatoire: **Ladynoir?

**misterbug: **oh no

**foxylady: **LMAO

**foxylady: **you don’t even know your own ship name??

**Purrchatoire: **Ship?

**Nerdboy: **people think you and ladybug would make a good couple so they post about it, make content for it, etc.

**misterbug: **wait they make content? i thought it was just a dumb name people used in conversation

**foxylady: **no girl that’s the ship name in fanfic and stuff

**misterbug: **THERE’S FANFIC????

**Purrchatoire: **What’s fanfic?

**Purrchatoire: **Ladybug just screamed and swung away from me to the other side of the tower. :-( My lady why must you be so mean.

**Nerdboy: **fanfiction is stories people write about you two.

**Purrchatoire: **Oh, I didn’t know that had a name. I’ve read that.

**Purrchatoire: **Ladybug oh my god, stop screaming.

**misterbug: **SINCE WHEN HAS THERE BEEN FANFIC OF US

**foxylady: **since always?

**Nerdboy: **wait is there fanfic of me?

**foxylady: **some!! not as much, we aren’t as well known

**Nerdboy: **:( we’re so cute tho.

**foxylady: **trust me, i know, these writers are cowards

**Purrchatoire: **Don’t worry _@misterbug_ it’s just small stories, people like coming up with their own ideas for akumas. We’re barely in it.

**Nerdboy: **…

**foxylady: __**_@Purrchatoire_ i don’t. I don’t think you and i are thinking of the same fanfiction

**misterbug: **rena i’m begging u i don’t want to know, end it there

**foxylady: **some of it is… steamy ;)

**misterbug: **and there it is

**foxylady: **i don’t read it but i know that there is a LOT of it

**misterbug: **d_on_’t

**foxylady: **like a L O T

**misterbug: **really wishin i was jared, 19 right about now

**Purrchatoire: **But… but they don’t know us? That’s not… that’s so weird.

**foxylady: **just giving you the facts

**foxylady: **though there are other ships too! ladybug and queen bee is a big one

**misterbug: **okay this feels like it could quickly take a weird turn, apricots apricoTS

**Purrchatoire: **I need to look this up.

**misterbug: **chat NO

**misterbug: **i’m going home i can’t

**Purrchatoire: **She’s swinging away now but still screaming. Paris’ hero, everybody.

**misterbug: **paris’ hero but at what cost

**[4:03pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **So… I looked up some of that “fanfiction.”

**Ladybug: **oh god

**Chat Noir: **It’s, um. I don’t know how to put it.

**Ladybug: **we could just not put it

**Ladybug: **or put it in a box and then bury that box and then never dig it up ever again

**Chat Noir: **Have you ever read it?

**Ladybug: **no, and i cannot be convinced to so don’t try

**Chat Noir: **It’s. Some of it is very… it makes me uncomfortable to read so I stopped. But some of it is almost nice? Like it just talks about us as friends or as, um… 

**Chat Noir: **Anyway, I knew people romanticized celebrities and stuff but I never realized that they did that to us, too.

**Ladybug: **at least we have alternate identities to hide away with. i know some celebrities just suffer forever cause they get so many fans and stalkers and etc

**Ladybug: **do u ever read posts where they talk about hiding in random spots or having to run thru public to avoid people? that’s wild

**Chat Noir: **You read those?

**Chat Noir: **I can’t believe the amazing Ladybug keeps up with hot celebrity gossip. Are youa _fangirl?_

**Ladybug: **no! 

**Ladybug: **i mean, kind of? but not the kind that would write like fanfic or anything! i just keep up with a few people, is all

**Chat Noir: **Like who?

**Ladybug: **no

**Chat Noir: **Come on, we’re partners.

**Ladybug: **ur going to make fun of me

**Chat Noir: **So you _are _a fangirl! Aw, that’s so cute. Tell me!

**Ladybug: **no!

**Chat Noir: **I _paw_-mise I won’t laugh at you.

**Ladybug: **ugh

**Ladybug: **ok

**Ladybug: **i uhhhhhhh might keep up with uuuuuuuuadrien agreste?

**Ladybug: **idk if u know who he is, i’m just a fan of fashion and his father has an amazing company and adrien models so i keep up with the latest fashion lines thru him and also he seems like a nice person so

**Ladybug: **i mean i don’t know him personally but i look at his instagram every now and then i guess?

**Ladybug:** chat u got really quiet

**Ladybug: **DONT MAKE FUN OF ME U PROMISED

**Chat Noir: **Sorry! Sorry, I was just caught off-guard.

**Ladybug: **by?

**Chat Noir: **Isn’t it obvious?

**Ladybug: **?

**Chat Noir: **Who knew Ladybug had such bad taste?

**Ladybug: **WHAT?

**Chat Noir: **I mean, Adrien Agreste? _Paw_-lease, I’m twice as attractive and three times as successful as he’ll ever be. He’s such a square. I’m the real _cat_-ch.

**Ladybug: **what?? u don’t even know him!!

**Chat Noir: **Just admit it, his hair looks like bananas and is stupid.

**Ladybug: **DONT BE MEAN

**Chat Noir: **I saw his new perfume billboard that came out today. What does he have that I don’t? That should be me up there. He doesn’t have the same charm.

**Ladybug: **what!!

**Chat Noir: **Chat Noir screams “radiant”way more than Adrien Agreste ever could. Imagine my lovely face up there. _That _would really sell that perfume.

**Ladybug: **lmao yeah i’m sure u’d make a great model, chat

**Chat Noir: **That feels like sarcasm but I’m going to take it as a compliment.

**Ladybug: **why do u hate him so much?

**Chat Noir: **I don’t hate him, I just think he’s a loser and that he sucks. And his style is terrible. Did I mention he sucks?

**Ladybug: **u seem very passionate about this

**Chat Noir: **No, I dislike him a normal amount. Same as anyone.

**Ladybug: **i don’t think many people dislike him, chat

**Chat Noir: **Really? More people need to get some brains, then. He’s so lame. And he wears jeans too much. What a dweeb.

**Ladybug: …**

**Ldybug: **did he do something to u? this feels personal

**Chat Noir: **Uh. No. Obviously I’m just kidding around.

**Ladybug: **he must have done something

**Chat Noir: **Why do I need a reason to think he’s overrated?

**Ladybug: **u sure know an awful lot about him, chat. u quoted his ad and u know his personal style

**Chat Noir: **I don’t think I know _that _much.

**Ladybug: **do u…

**Ladybug: **do u have a crush on him?

**Chat Noir: **WHAT?!

**Ladybug: **i’m just trying to figure out what he could have done to make u hate him so much! and u know a lot of details for someone who supposedly isn’t a fan of is!

**Ladybug: **oh my god

**Ladybug: **did he reject u??

**Ladybug: **is that why ur so mad??

**Chat Noir: **Why would you think that?!

**Ladybug: **bc he’s such a nice guy! i mean he doesn’t have any siblings, he doesn’t have any ex lovers, he doesn’t have any industry enemies! chloe brags about how amazing he is at his school, i can’t think of any other reason u’d hate him

**Chat Noir: **Oh my god. I can’t believe this.

**Ladybug: **well??

**Chat Noir: **You know what?

**Chat Noir: **Yes.

**Chat Noir: **I had a crush on Adrien Agreste and he rejected me. The scoundrel.

**Ladybug: **aw chat, that sucks, i’m sorry!! rejection is never fun

**Chat Noir: **Yup, I uh. I sure was heartbroken over it. What a dreamboat I missed out on, huh.

**Ladybug: **if u ever need to talk i’m here!

**Chat Noir: **Thanks, but I’ve moved on. I’m good. Wayyy past him.

**Ladybug: **he really missed out, ur a great guy. and honestly i could see u two being a thing

**Chat Noir: **You could?!

**Ladybug: **yeah! tho i don’t think adrien would be a big fan of ur puns. he seems a bit more sophisticated than we are

**Chat Noir: **I don’t know. He’s a snob, but I bet he would appreciate a good pun.

**Ladybug: **really?

**Chat Noir: **Trust me. As someone who thought they had a chance with him at one point, I think he would like a good pun.

**[6:12pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Marinette: **Hey, Adrien! I saw your new perfume ad, you did a great!

**Marinette: ***A great job!

**Adrien: **Thank you, Marinette! That means a lot.

**Marinette: **Yeah, I think buying that perfume just makes scents.

**Marinette: **Get it? I mean, uh

**Marinette: **Sorry!! that was stupid!!

**Adrien: **Hahaha I love that!! I’m going to send that to Nino, that was a good one!!

**[6:20pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **hey so speaking of puns, where would one hypothetically find them

**Chat Noir: **Finally, the moment I’ve always waited for. Let me teach you my ways.

**Ladybug: **i’m gonna regret this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chat noir definitely writes ladynoir fanfiction. you cannot convince me otherwise. this boy just doesn't want the others to know but you KNOW he writes the most fanfic of anyone. a lovestruck doofus.
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :) i post updates here! if i ever delay posting i always post here.


	9. Godtier Pupils

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #chlonette rights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
misterbug: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
Nerdboy: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[7:03am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Nerdboy: **YOU GUYS.

**Nerdboy: **DO THIS.

**Nerdboy: __** _ [Which Nintendo Character Are You?(link)](https://www.buzzfeed.com/cristinkellyd/take-this-quiz-and-well-tell-you-what-nintendo-sw-bai3msuovo)_

******Queenie: **Carapace, it’s 7am

**Nerdboy: **WHAT DID YOU GET?

**Nerdboy: **I GOT KIRBY!

**Queenie: **Can I repeat: it is 7am

**Purrchatoire: **I got Link from “A Breath of the Wild,” isn’t that the new Switch game?

**Nerdboy: **YES BUT ITS NOT AS COOL AS KIRBY!

**misterbug: **i also got link

**Nerdboy: **QUEENIE WHAT DID YOU GET?

**Queenie: **Who is Gustav and what is Fire Emblem

**foxylady: **smh why did i get bowser

**Nerdboy: **this quiz really proved that i’m the coolest one here i can’t believe this.

**misterbug: **i love link but even i gotta admit kirby is better

**foxylady: **it’s not even vintage bowser i got frickin mario odyssey bowser with the stupid hat

**misterbug: **it’s not stupid!! he’s handsome

**Nerdboy: **yeah don’t be turtlist i’ll leave you.

**foxylady: **for whomst

**Purrchatoire: **I’d date him.

**Nerdboy: **relationship ended with rena rouge, chat noir is my new girlfriend.

**foxylady: **but what about the kids

**Nerdboy: **what kids.

**foxylady: **everyone knows that you and i are the mom and dad of the group

**misterbug: **wait i thought i was the mom

**foxylady: **no you’re like the older sister who thinks she’s mature but is still a kid at the end of the day

**misterbug: **i brought croissants last patrol!! and hand warmers!

**foxylady: **a good older sister, but a _child_

**Nerdboy: **it’s obvious chat noir is one of the kids.

**Purrchatoire: **How?

**Nerdboy: **something only a kid would say smh.

**Purrchatoire: **What?!

**Queenie: **If you tell me I’m one of your kids I swear

**Nerdboy: **nah you’re the cool gay successful aunt who just stops by sometimes with gifts and is off doing her own thing.

**Nerdboy: **the kids’ favorite aunt.

**Queenie: **I’ll allow that

**misterbug: **i’m still pretty sure i’m the mom of the group

**misterbug: **also chat can’t be ur girlfriend if he’s supposed to be ur kid, i’m so lost on this analogy at this point

**Nerdboy: **chat is simultaneously both a child and a rich secret love affair from the city.

**Purrchatoire: **I do think cities are cool.

**misterbug: **but i want to be elastigirl :(

**foxylady: **embrace being violet parr. you’ve got similar hair

**foxylady: **plus you don’t have the thighs, it’s gotta be me

**misterbug: **that’s tru

**Queenie: **What is even happening anymore

**Nerdboy: **#teambonding!!

**Nerdboy: **speaking of team bonding, great timing as always, someone posted that there was an akuma on the ladyblog. looks like it’s near the seine 

**Nerdboy: **let’s frickin yeet this yeast.

**misterbug: **ugh i don’t want to get out of bed but i’m omw

**Purrchatoire: **Coming!

**Queenie: **Leaving in a few

**[9:30am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**misterbug: **everyone make it back alright?

**Queenie: **Define alright

**misterbug: **u’ll survive getting a little wet

**Queenie: **I was _dunked _in the _disgusting river_

**misterbug: **free shower?

**Nerdboy: **hey i saved you. Eventually.

**Queenie: **“Eventually”

**Nerdboy: **well i was busy shielding LB while she figured out her lucky charm!

**Queenie: **If I get sick I’m going to sue Papillon for emotional and physical damage

**foxylady: **emotional damage from being thrown in a river?

**Queenie: **IT’S A GROSS RIVER

**misterbug: **thanks for taking that hit tho, i really appreciate it

**Queenie: **Better me than you, you’re the one that fixes everything at the end

**misterbug: **still appreciated <3

**[2:13pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**misterbug: __** _ [Why Are My Pupils So Naturally Large?(link)](https://www.aao.org/eye-health/ask-ophthalmologist-q/why-are-my-pupils-large) _

**foxylady: **ladybug what the fuck

**misterbug: **WRONG CHAT SORRY

**foxylady: **????

**misterbug: **sorry i was on the phone with my mom, she’s mad cause she has to start wearing glasses soon

**misterbug: **and she was complaining about having to get her eyes dilated at her exam and i realized that i’ve never had them dilated before

**misterbug: **even tho i wear contacts and go to the eye doctor a lot

**misterbug: **my pupils are just too big i guess, i was gonna send that article to her

**Nerdboy: **is this what paris’ favorite heroine does in her spare time.

**misterbug: **there are no favorites!!! but yes

**foxylady: **if your eyes are too big to be dilated then aren’t they like. permanently dilated?

**misterbug: **i cry every time i even think about the sun rena my eyes are so light sensitive

**Nerdboy: **LB that’s so tragic, yet so valid.

**misterbug: **what is it like to have them dilated

**misterbug: **i guess i just have godtier pupils so idk what u peasants go thru

**Nerdboy: **they put these drops in and then tell you DO NOT TAKE OFF THESE PLASTIC SHADES FOR THE NEXT FEW HOURS GOD HELP ME and then you leave and everything is bright.

**Queenie: **It’s very bright, everything is like pastels and you can try to squint but it doesn’t help

**foxylady: **and also you see the shadow people

**misterbug: **what?

**Nerdboy: **yeah that too.

**foxylady: **you’re fine as long as you don’t touch them. Or acknowledge them.

**Nerdboy: **they just kind of look at you and then continue on.

**foxylady: **except that one time

**misterbug: **don’t scare me omg i’m a weenie

**Queenie: **I thought you mentioned liking horror movies the other day?

**misterbug: **i like them but they terrify me

**Purrchatoire: **I HAVE TO WORK WITH HER.

**misterbug: **i mean it doesn’t affect my hero work at all, geez

**Purrchatoire: **No, not you.

**Purrchatoire: **I mean, yes I work with you, but I’m not talking about you here.

**Purrchatoire: **That girl I was complaining about the other day, the one who is super clingy.

**Nerdboy: **the one dating your dad?

**Purrchatoire: **DON’T.

**Nerdboy: **sorry you’re right, not the time. What happened?

**Purrchatoire: **My father just called me into his office to tell me that not only will I continue to tutor her, but now she’s going to be my new coworker. I’m basically stuck with her all the time.

**Nerdboy: **F.

**misterbug: **oh no chaton!! did you try to explain that she makes you uncomfortable??

**Purrchatoire: **He wouldn’t let me argue with him. He just called me in, said that starting tomorrow she’s going to be around me basically all day every day because she’s ‘interning’ with my father’s company and needs to know the inside perspective, and that she’s going to be my coworker at my job.

**Purrchatoire: **I asked why and he just said that she was “an excellent young lady who I could learn a lot from. She would make a great friend.”

**Queenie: **That’s so messed up

**Nerdboy: **i take back the dad joke rip. Dude that sucks.

**foxylady: **tell me where she lives and i’ll beat her up with my fists and also my mean words

**Purrchatoire: **No, it’s fine. She’s… I can’t really tell what her motive is. I used to think she just wanted attention, but even this is a little extreme. 

**misterbug: **does she have a crush on u?

**Purrchatoire: **I thought for a second that she might, but by now I don’t. It’s like she wants the credit of dating me, but isn’t actually interested in dating me? I don’t know how to explain the vibes she gives off but I don’t think she’s actually attracted to me.

**misterbug: **:( how long will she be working with u?

**Purrchatoire: **As far as I can tell, indefinitely. And she’s _so _clingy, I’m worried she’ll make me late to akuma battles.

**misterbug: **it’s okay chaton, that’s why we have a team. we look out for each other

**misterbug: **but now we gotta stockpile excuses u can use to come hang out with us and ditch her

**foxylady: **ladybug could get another hamster

**misterbug: **ugh

**Nerdboy: **tell her you were chosen to be the first parisian on the moon and then disappear for like a year.

**foxylady: **we need real solutions for our favorite boy, babe

**Nerdboy: **favorite boy?

**Nerdboy: **am i just chopped liver.

**Queenie: **If the hotel is ever holding a large event you could say you were invited, we don’t allow plus ones and we never release full guest lists. Though you couldn’t actually show up

**misterbug: **tell her ur best friend is sick and u gotta come feed her soup asap, i always like a mean soup

**Purrchatoire: **What if she asks who it is?

**misterbug: **oh yeah

**misterbug: **oh geez i didn’t think that far ahead

**misterbug: **tell her ur best friend is in the witness protection program and u can’t disclose her name or people will die

**Purrchatoire: **My lady, you are an amazing person, but you really are terrible at lying.

**misterbug: **i mean no one has figured out my identity yet so that’s something!

**Queenie: **… Um

**foxylady: **um??

**misterbug: __** _????????????????_

**misterbug: **something you want to share with the rest of the class????!!!?!?!!?

**Queenie: **It’s probably nothing

**misterbug: **PORBABLY?!

**Nerdboy: **porbably.

**misterbug: **SHUT UP TURTLE MAN

**Queenie: **I was going to direct message you later this week about it but I needed to work up the nerve

**Queenie: **I… _might _have an idea as to who you are

**Purrchatoire: **What?!

**Queenie: **I don’t know for sure! And only recently. I can’t explain without accidentally making it worse

**Purrchatoire: **You KNOW her _IDENTITY?!_

**foxylady: **holy shit

**Queenie: **Maybe! Sorry, I just wanted to be honest. Again, only super recently, like the last day or two

**misterbug: **message me 

**misterbug: **now

**Purrchatoire: **Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god.

**Nerdboy: **that sucks but wait.

**Nerdboy:** how am i not the favorite boy.

**[2:45pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Queen Bee: **The girl you were complaining about the other day is Lila Rossi, right?

**Ladybug: **h

**Queen Bee: **I won’t make you confirm stuff, I know this is stressful

**Queen Bee: **Um. Again, not totally sure

**Queen Bee: **But… are you.. Kagami Tsurugi?

**Ladybug: **.

**Ladybug: **wait what?

**Queen Bee: **The date just went super well the other day and the more we talked the more I put points together? Like Kagami and Ladybug look _very _similar, they wear a lot of matching color schemes, Kagami also disappears during akuma battles and is a pretty fierce fighter

**Queen Bee: **And Ladybug gave me the exact advice needed to ask Kagami out so…

**Ladybug: **oh bee

**Ladybug: **I’m not Kagami. I would tell you if I was. I’m so sorry for that mix-up, I’m sure that made things so confusing for you

**Queen Bee: **OH thank god

**Ladybug: **?

**Queen Bee: **I have spent every day for the last who knows long watching you endlessly flirt with a boy in a cat costume, I was so worried I went on a date with you

**Ladybug: **uh i don’t know if i’d call that flirting

**Queen Bee: **And trust me, I love being on a team with you, but you aren’t really my type. It’s fine to have insecurities but I prefer really self-confident women

**Ladybug: **well 

**Queen Bee: **Oh god that makes things so much better. I like having my personal and hero life be separate, despite what others might think since my identity is public knowledge. Like no offense but I’m so grateful it wasn’t you

**Ladybug: **okay well maybe a lighter tone would work better in the future, but yeah i understand what u mean

**Queen Bee: **Ignore my first message too, I only asked because of a conversation I had with Kagami at our date about her. Rossi’s in my class, I can’t stand her, but that has nothing to do with you

**Queen Bee: **I should probably tell the others your secret is safe before your furry boyfriend hunts me down and kills me

**Ladybug: __** _boyfriend?_

**Ladybug: **and he’s not a furry!!!! mostly 

**[3:06pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Queenie: **Turns out I was mistaken, all is good

**Purrchatoire: **GOOD.

**misterbug: **queenie also made it super, overwhelmingly, abundantly clear that i am never allowed to date her

**foxylady: **a lot of fanfics would disagree with you there

**Purrchatoire: **Oh um. Have you thought about it? Dating Queen Bee?

**foxylady: **jealous?

**Purrchatoire: **No! I take it back, ignore that.

_**Nerdboy** has changed **misterbug**’s name to **porbably**._

**porbably: **I WAS PANICKING

_**foxylady **has changed **Nerdboy**’s name to **ShutUpTurtleMan**._

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **this feels long for a chat name.

**foxylady: **talk shit get hit, babe

**[3:34pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **So your identity is definitely a secret?

**Ladybug: **yep! she guessed wrong, no sweat

**Chat Noir: **Good. I would love for us to be each others’ first reveals.

**Chat Noir: **If you’re down for that!

**Chat Noir: **The rest of the group is great but we go back more, you know? We’re partners.

**Ladybug: **ofc u’ll be the first one i reveal to, kitty

**Ladybug: **tho my lying skills might give me away by accident to someone else first

**Chat Noir: **It’s really not your strong suit.

**Ladybug: **we can’t all be winners

**Chat Noir: **But we can all be sinners.

**Ladybug: **why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i LOVE when chloe figures identities out in fanfics, but alas, this fic is only for dumbass characters. team miraculous only has 2 braincells between the 5 of them.
> 
> also the link to the nintendo quiz is real! yes i did take it five separate times trying to answer as the characters, thank u for asking.
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	10. Them Ole Ivories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bongo cat but not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refresher:  
porbably: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
ShutUpTurtleMan: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[4:02am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**foxylady: **i never realized just how many frickin adrien agreste billboards there are in paris until i took up a job where i get thrown into them every other day of the week

**foxylady: **such a pretty boy but his face hurts when i’m flying at it at 50mph

**Purrchatoire: **Yeah he sucks. They should really take down those billboards.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **whoah hold up i won’t stand for any adrien agreste hate in this chat.

**Queenie: **Me neither

**foxylady: **eat the rich and all, but he does seem okay as a person in all his interviews

**Purrchatoire: **Oh. You all really like him.

**Purrchatoire: **I just think he’s overrated is all.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **watch your fucking language.

**porbably: **chat’s got personal beef with adrien agreste

**Purrchatoire: **And it’s private, thank you.

**Queenie: **Why are you mad at him? Adrien is an angel

**Queenie: **Oh my gosh, you know what?

**Queenie: __**_@porbably_ if we ever have to lend out Miraculous jewelry again, Adrien would be a perfect fit!!

**porbably: **u know i’ve never thought about him before, but i wouldn’t be opposed

**Purrchatoire: **Uh.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i don’t know him personally but he seems like a cool dude! I’m in favor.

**Purrchatoire: **Shouldn’t we refrain from using such high-fame people? It would just increase the risk of people finding out about how the jewelry works, he’s on camera so much as it is.

**foxylady: **no no adrien would be frickin perfect for a miraculous omg, this is making me so excited

**Purrchatoire: **I vote against it. And my vote counts as four votes.

**Queenie: **Since when?

**Purrchatoire: __**_@porbably_?

**porbably: **ugh yeah he’s telling the truth. he won a bet back during our first year doing this and now he has an extra three votes

**Queenie: **And they last forever?

**porbably: **people call me many things but none shall call me honorless 

**Purrchatoire: **So that makes it 4 against 4 and everyone knows ties are void.

**foxylady: **i want to come back to this vote eventually, i think we can change your mind

**Purrchatoire: **I doubt it. This is an interesting topic though. Who would you all pick for a Miraculous if you were in charge of handing out another?

**Queenie: **Marinette Dupain-Cheng

**porbably: **apricots, this feels like it could reveal things

**Queenie: **Oops, sorry, we sent our messages at the same time. At least everyone already knows who I am, though, so I’m not revealing anything

**Purrchatoire: **Marinette would be perfect!! Queen Bee you’re absolutely right!! Marinette gets my vote as well, so that’s at least five votes for her so far

**porbably: __**_@Queenie_ is she a friend of urs?

**Queenie: **She and I have an interesting relationship, I wouldn’t necessarily call us friends. But past conflict doesn’t erase that she’s strong, responsible, and such an annoying do-gooder

**foxylady: **i’ve talked to her a few times after battles! she hangs out with that alya girl, she seems sweet. i’d vote yes

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i’ve seen her on the ladyblog too and i say yes.

**porbably: **wait really? u’d all vote yes?

**Purrchatoire: **I don’t know if you’ve interacted much with her but she’s great! I’ve saved her a few times, and there was that whole thing with Evillustrator? I barely did anything, she saved the day on her own for the most part. She’s amazing.

**porbably: **u seem to think v highly of her

**Purrchatoire: **I do! Plus she’s cute, and I _know _you agree with that since you’re the one that pointed it out.

**foxylady: **ladybug thinks marinette is cute??

**porbably: **well duh, have u seen her

**porbably: **she’s not my type! but she’s cute, yeah. um you all made really nice arguments in support of her, that was sweet

**Purrchatoire: **She actually reminds me a lot of you, My Lady.

**foxylady: **they do seem similar, you’re right!

**Queenie: **Except like a million times clumsier

**porbably: **hahahahahahahahahahahaha yeah probably not a good trait to have for a miraculous so let’s table that for now, moving on

**foxylady: **i’d pick jagged stone

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i’d pick Fang.

**porbably: **next time i see master fu i’m asking him if there’s an alligator miraculous, can u even imagine??

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **“hey papillon, check out our newest recruit. It’s a literal alligator who also has alligator superpowers. Fang, eat him.”

**foxylady: **okay as funny as this is i do need to remind you all that it’s like 4am

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i know rip, that battle woke me up and i’m not tired anymore.

**Purrchatoire: **I’m savoring the few hours I have left until I’m stuck with that girl.

**foxylady: **can we give her a name so we can stop referring to her as your dad’s gf

**Purrchatoire: __**_Rena_.

**foxylady: **sorry i meant *that girl who is uncomfortably personal with chat noir’s father but is definitely not dating him

**Queenie: **We could call her Isabella

**Purrchatoire: **Why Isabella?

**Queenie: **I hated an Isabella back in CE2

**Queenie: **She knows what she did

**foxylady: **what about just “bella”

**Purrchatoire: **That works for me. Starting in a few hours, I’ll be stuck with Bella all day. I’ll try to send updates but she sometimes leans over to see what I’m doing on my phone so we’ll see.

**foxylady: **kill her

**Purrchatoire: **That would look really great for my hero image, yeah.

**Queenie: **Well I need my beauty sleep so I’ll look for updates later. You can do this, Chat Noir. Goodnight everyone

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **do you remember when she would only say goodbye to ladybug and ignore the rest of us?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **we’ve made it. We’re officially her friends now. She can deny it all she wants but it’s true. our favorite sleeping beauty.

**Queenie: **I’m not asleep yet, you idiot

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **sometimes it’s like i can still hear her voice.

**foxylady: **do you think “i was up all night fighting an akuma” would be an accepted tardy or am i just going to take the L on this one?

**Purrchatoire: **Take the L?

**foxylady: **you know like

**foxylady: **it’s a loss. You give up, you accept failure. have you never heard that before?

**Purrchatoire: **I’m still learning slang, I wasn’t the most social kid.

**foxylady: **really? I never would have guessed, you’re so extroverted

**Purrchatoire: **My kwami says I overcompensate.

**foxylady: **that makes sense

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **you’re so frickin valid dude.

**Purrchatoire: **I think we should all at least try to sleep, though. I’m assuming LB passed out right after her last message and she is our leader after all. We need to keep up our health.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **hey stop sounding so much like a dad, that’s my job.

**[11:32am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**porbably: **another akuma, Collège Françoise Dupont

**foxylady: **this school gets targeted a lot. can papillon like,, find somewhere else to attack

**porbably: **ur gonna jinx it. now he’ll ONLY attack this school

**Queenie: **Here, obviously, let me get to a locker room

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **omw

**[12:01pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Purrchatoire: **I’m so sorry, I’m coming, I had to find an excuse to get away. _@ShutUpTurtleMan_ are you alright?!

**[12:45pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i appreciated everyone’s hugs but dudes i’m fine, i promise. The cure fixed me up good.

**foxylady: __** _DON’T! EVER! DO! THAT! AGAIN!_

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **my job is to be the shield! Literally! Sometimes that means i take hard hits. nothing LB can’t fix up.

**porbably: **i’d rather not have to fix up my friends

**Queenie: **You still looked rough afterwards, are you sure you’re okay?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **just shaken up a bit, but physically i’m fine.

**foxylady: **you won’t be fine after i’m done with you

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **god now i’m scared to come back to class.

**foxylady: **you can’t hide from me. it’s inevitable

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **did i scare you all that badly?

**porbably: **yes

**foxylady: **YES

**Queenie: **Yes

**foxylady: **you were bLEEDING and UNCONSCIOUS

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **sorry guys. I wasn’t thinking, i just saw that it was going to hit LB and jumped in. i would do it again though.

**porbably: **i really don’t like this trend of people taking hits for me

**Queenie: **I know we’re a team, but you are the only one who can fix things. You can’t get hit

**porbably: **i know, but. idk it’s still hard

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i promise to let you take small hits from now on but unfortunately us defending you is just part of the whole deal.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **now use your luck powers and grant me immunity as i go back to class.

**foxylady: **no immunity from my hugs and scolding you coward

**foxylady: **take my concerned love like a man

**[4:12pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Purrchatoire: **I’m glad you’re okay _@ShutUpTurtleMan_! Sorry for the delay, this is the first moment I’ve had to myself in hours.

**Queenie: **How’s Bella?

**Purrchatoire: **It wasn’t as bad during class since she doesn’t sit near me, but anytime we aren’t in a lecture she comes and sits right next to me and won’t go away. 

**Purrchatoire: **I’m supposed to be practicing my instrument right now and my father won’t let her interrupt my lessons so at least I have an hour or so before I’m supposed to tutor her.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **do you not have an instructor?

**Purrchatoire: **I have lessons once a week but I have separately scheduled practice times. I’m by myself right now.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **man you’ve got to be amazing at whatever it is you play if you practice that much.

**Purrchatoire: **Piano.

**foxylady: **i bet your claws ring them ole ivories beautifully

**Purrchatoire: **I’VE NEVER TRIED PLAYING AS CHAT NOIR BEFORE! HOLD ON!

**Queenie: **Don’t encourage him like that

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **bad mom.

**foxylady: **i support our son’s interests and want him to blossom

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i’ve never really thought about doing regular things but in costume. mine doesn’t do much but give me a shield so it’s not really worth it.

**Queenie: **I think Chat Noir might be the only one who has any significant physical changes. _@foxylady_ you don’t have claws, do you?

**foxylady: **if i did i’d literally never de-transform

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **kinky.

**Purrchatoire: **Oh god send help.

**foxylady: **???

**Purrchatoire: **I BROKE MY PIANO.

**Queenie: **Here we go

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOO really?!?!!

**Purrchatoire:** Well, it’s not broken, but it’s definitely messed up! The claws slid across the keys oh my god, they’re all scratched up. What do I do?! My father will have questions and I can’t answer them!!

**Queenie: **See, this is why you shouldn’t encourage him

**Purrchatoire: **HELP ME!

**foxylady: **white out?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i tried googling it and some people recommend plastic polish, you can put it on and sand it down to get it perfect.

**Purrchatoire: **I can’t get it ordered to my house because my father checks the mail, and I can’t go get it because Bella or a worker would be with me and they’d tell.

**Queenie: **I’ll order it myself and have it delivered to the hotel. I’ll DM you once it arrives, I can put it on the roof for you to pick up

**Purrchatoire: **Have I ever told you you’re my favorite?

**Queenie: **No, but it’s about time

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **queen bee is my favorite too.

**foxylady: **D:<

**foxylady: **well my favorite is ladybug

**foxylady: **where is she anyway. she isn’t allowed to have a life outside of us, i’ll ground her

**porbably: **i’m busy

**foxylady: **geez have you been here the whole time?

**porbably: **sometimes i lurk while i’m busy doing other stuff

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **ladybug: always watching, always waiting.

**porbably: **that’s so ominous omg i’m just doing homework

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **is it _really _homework? Or are you just doing work… _at home_?

**porbably: **…. _what?_

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **someday you’ll understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this chapter feels a bit short it's bc it was originally plot-centric and then i took out the plot. the next chapter is longer to make up for it :)
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	11. Pretzels and Lesbians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mayor bourgeois has entered the chat
> 
> Refresher:  
porbably: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
ShutUpTurtleMan: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> serious note:
> 
> thank you all for the comments on my author update<3 i really love this fic and wanted to keep it stupid and fun, and trying to work that plot was just not happening. hopefully this chapter does an alright job of removing lila and bringing things back to the dumbass chaos we know and love
> 
> for anyone who bookmarked this before 1/5/20, i did small edits to previous chapters but they do not significantly change the story. edits can be found in the chapter summaries and notes on all chapters, as well as:  
\- Chapter 7 (less intense Lila venting, mystery message removed)  
\- Chapter 8 (literally just removed the two sentences about the mystery message)  
\- Chapter 10 (they no longer decide to investigate the school)
> 
> for anyone reading this fic for the first time AFTER 1/5/20: ignore literally all of that lmao

**[10:13am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **soif they were ever going to make a movie of us, who would you want to play you?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i’d want stromae.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **not even belgian but he’s _my_ belgian king.

**porbably: **joan chen

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **who?

**porbably: **??? she’s been in so much??

**porbably: **i bet queenie’s seen her in ‘saving face,’ wlw represent

**Queenie: **Obviously

**Purrchatoire: **I’d want Mika. 

**foxylady: **i’d play myself. I’m my own celebrity

**foxylady: **also we’re teenagers, why are you all picking adults??

**Purrchatoire: **Have you listened to Grace Kelly before?

**Purrchatoire: __**_Experienced _Grace Kelly before?

**Queenie: **Who is she?

**Purrchatoire: **She’s not a person?! That’s Mika’s greatest song!

**foxylady: **who would play papillon

**porbably: **OOOOOOOH gOOD qUESTION

**Purrchatoire: **Slenderman.

**porbably: **some chewed up gum on a stick

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **do you remember playing animal crossing and you’d spend hours just fishing, and then you’d _finally _see a shark fin in the water?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **and you’d get super excited and so nervous that you’d click too early and ruin it?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **but then you catch it and you’re rejoicing and when your pole comes up it’s got that dirty boot on it?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **a picture of that boot on a crumpled piece of paper would play papillon.

**porbably: **could we stick that paper to a stick with some chewed up gum?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i’ll allow it.

**foxylady: **we could get a snake in a dress to play mayura

**porbably: **well 

**porbably: **hey

**porbably: **that’s not completely fair

**Purrchatoire: **My lady, why do you always defend Mayura?

**porbably: **i don’t defend her!!! but i appreciate her artistic vision and that deserves to be represented on a screen

**Queenie: **Can’t you just ask your kwami to change your costume?

**porbably: **she says she only allows costume upgrades when i hit important overall personal milestones :(

**porbably: **so i’m hoping the end of puberty = frickin wings

**Purrchatoire: **WOULD SHE ACTUALLY LET YOU FLY?! 

**foxylady: **holy shit

**porbably: **i have literally asked for nothing else for years now so

**porbably: **if i don’t get wings i will cry

**porbably: **wait. also pockets

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **do you think my kwami would give me wings?

**foxylady: **you already have a shell?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i can’t fly with a shell, babe.

**[11:43am]**

** _Rena&theRest_ **

**Queenie: **Wish me luck, going on our fourth date!

**porbably: **ahh good luck!! same girl?

**Queenie: **Yes!

**foxylady: **yell heah girl get it!! I hope you have fun!! Where are you two going?

**Queenie: **Nope, no way. I don’t trust you all not to spy on me

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **we would _never._

**foxylady: **that’s fair, i would

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **dude!

**foxylady: **not in a creepy way!! Just to make sure our girl is being treated like the queen she is

**Queenie: **Well. That was sweeter than expected. Thank you

**Queenie: **I can keep things vague, I guess. We’re going to walk around a mall

**Purrchatoire: **Do they have an Auntie Anne’s there?!

**Queenie: **I don’t know, maybe? Why?

**Purrchatoire: **Because it’s the best.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **god i’m such a slut for auntie annes

**foxylady: **my friend has an aunt ann for real

**foxylady: **she’s a judge!

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **tell her she should make pretzels.

**foxylady: **you literally say that every time i mention her

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **listen, i know my brand and I stick with it.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **that lady still needs to find hers though and it’s in pretzels.

**porbably: **is there money in preztels tho? she’s probs killing it as a judge

**porbably: **i know bakeries do pretty well depending on location but idk about pretzels

**foxylady: **wait

**foxylady: **why do you know about bakeries?

**porbably: **cause uh

**porbably: **m

**porbably: **i just really love macarons and i like to be up to date on things related to them

**foxylady: **..

**foxylady: **yeah that checks out

**Purrchatoire: **Everyone knows the pretzel industry isn’t about money.

**foxylady: **oh?

**Purrchatoire: **It’s about soft goodness and lots of salt.

**porbably: **tbh i don’t really like salty pretzels

**Purrchatoire: **I’m sorry, _what?_

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **LB why do you always have the worst opinions?

**porbably: **what???

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **like when you told me the other day that you main grookey. :/

**porbably: **well my other options are a crying worm and a rabbit with a bandaid on its nose

**Purrchatoire: **Don’t be mean to Sobble. They’re already so sad.

**foxylady: **ladybug we’re going to kick you out of the chat if you don’t have a good pretzel alternative

**foxylady: **can’t stop crime with lame pretzel time

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **your freestyle rap game is especially lame.

**foxylady: **say that to my face, carapace

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **don’t be mean,

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **uh.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **uuuuuuuuuuhhhh.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i’m green?

**porbably: **boo

**porbably: **also i like cinnamon sugar and hot mustard pretzels :)

**foxylady: **okay good you’re allowed to stay in the chat

**[12:48pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Purrchatoire: **Bella updates! :-D

**foxylady: **do spill mister smiley face!!

**Purrchatoire: **I just got out of a meeting with my father. Apparently Bella never checked with her mom before getting a job here, AND has been skipping a lot of stuff to come to our work events, AND has been lying about it to her family. And her mom found out! So she’s not allowed to work with us anymore!

**foxylady: **WHAT??

**Purrchatoire: **Yeah! I guess she’s been doing a lot of stuff behind her parents’ back. Her mom threatened to pull her out of school too, but I guess they worked it out. She’ll still be in my classes but I won’t have to deal with her at work anymore. :-)

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **dude congrats!!!

**foxylady: **i can still kick her butt if you need me to

**Purrchatoire: **I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m good. I don’t want anything bad to happen to her, I just wanted her to leave me alone. And now I’m good for the most part! I can survive her being clingy during class.

**foxylady: **still

**foxylady: **just say the word and i’ll appear like a ghost in the night

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **^she can be scary, bella would probably leave you alone.

**foxylady: **i know we all agreed on bella but if i’m being honest, everytime i read it i keep thinking of twilight. It’s like we all collectively hate bella and are just bashing this fictional character

**foxylady: **Kristen Stewart Deserved Better

**Purrchatoire: **I never read Twilight. I hate love triangles so I never got into it.

**Purrchatoire: **Why can’t they all date each other? Triad. Win-win-win.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **god you’re too good for this world.

**foxylady: **[this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxSk0wZxss) is all you need to know about twilight, chat. use this power wisely

**[2:45pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **just saw the news about bella, i’m so happy for u!!! how are u feeling?

**Chat Noir: **I feel great! And my father is scrambling to fill in where she left openings so there’s a chance he’ll let me invite some of my friends to join me at work. Today’s a good day!

**Ladybug: **:) i’m glad that he’s more willing to work with u and to meet ur wants and needs, kitty. he should have listened to u from the start but late is better than never <3

**Chat Noir: **Thank you, my lady! <3

**Chat Noir: **Neutral observation Bug, but you’ve been sending me a lot of heart emojis lately.

**Ladybug: **have i? suddenly i can’t read

**Chat Noir: **What?! What happened to your ungodly-sized pupils?

**Ladybug: **whomst

**[5:27pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**Queenie: **SOS

**porbably: **what?? where’s the akuma??

**Purrchatoire: **I can’t transform for about ten minutes but I can come right after!

**Queenie: **AAAAAAAAAAHH

**porbably: **where are u??? what’s happening??

**Queenie: **SHE KISSED ME!

**porbably: **WHAT

**Purrchatoire: **:-D !!

**Queenie: **I DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS GOING TO

**Queenie: **I WAS WALKING HER HOME AND SHE SAID GOODBYE AND THEN KISSED ME AND THEN LEFT

**Queenie: **I’M STILL STANDING IN HER DRIVEWAY

**Queenie: **I DON’T THINK I CAN MOVE

**porbably: **okay well maybe leave her house, not staying in her driveway is a good first step

**Queenie: **Okay

**Queenie: **I’m walking home now

**Queenie: **Oh my god

**porbably: **that’s so exciting bee!! i’m assuming the date went well then?

**Queenie: **Yes! We talked for a few hours and then strolled up and down the Seine

**Queenie: **Which smelled terrible honestly and it probably should have ruined the mood, but it didn’t! We never ran out of things to talk about

**Queenie: **And she asked me to come to her sports competition this upcoming week!

**Purrchatoire: **That’s awesome! I’m so glad it went well!

**porbably: **thank u for updating us! we love being able to support u in this

**Queenie: **Oh my god, she texted me

**Purrchatoire: **What did she say?

**Queenie: **LASKDJFLSD

**Queenie: **“Why were you standing in my driveway for so long?”

**porbably: **queenie,, how long were u standing there before u texted us?

**Queenie: **I don’t know, time stopped existing. Maybe five minutes? Maybe more?

**porbably: **o

**porbably: **ok so yeah in the future i would leave first and THEN have an existential crisis

**porbably: **what did u tell her??

**Queenie: **“I dropped my contact, I had to look for it.”

**Purrchatoire: **Do you wear contacts?

**Queenie: **NO

**Purrchatoire: **This is a Ladybug level of panicked lying, kudos. That’s a difficult level to reach.

**porbably: **heY i wouldn’t s

**porbably: **well

**porbably: **ok actually that’s fair

**porbably: **u’ll need to tell her eventually tho, she’ll think it’s cute

**Queenie: **If we ever actually start dating I will. But not anytime soon

**Purrchatoire: **That’s valid.

**Queenie: **I’m so sweaty right now, is this what being nervous feels like? How do you all deal with this all the time?

**porbably: **are u… never nervous?

**Queenie: **No, I never have a reason to be. I can handle almost anything

**Queenie: **But she’s so pretty

**porbably: **gosh ur confidence is inspiring

**Queenie: **Wait SOS

**Purrchatoire: **What did she send now?

**Queenie: **No it’s a real SOS, akuma near the hotel!

**porbably: **oh snap, ok i’m coming

**Purrchatoire: **I’ll be there in 2 minutes!

**[5:40pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**foxylady: __**_@ShutUpTurtleMan_ and i were in a movie and forgot to check our phones, we’re coming now!!

**foxylady: **AND CONGRATS QUEENIE!!

**[7:16pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**porbably: **guerilla warfare on the subway

**porbably: **this guy next to me is manspreading so i’m slowly inching my legs out and pushing him back while not maintaining eye contact. he keeps side-eyeing me and moving his legs back into his own space cause he doesn’t want our legs to be touching

**porbably: **cower before me old man

**foxylady: **a hero

**Purrchatoire: **Ladybug, you literally throw people into buildings. Daily.

**porbably: **yeah but not in my civilian form!! i can’t just ask him to move over that would be rude

**Purrchatoire: **No it wouldn’t be? You’d just be asking for space that HE’S intruding on. That’s not rude.

**porbably: **yeah but. idk i’m not that assertive

**foxylady: **you lead our team?? And give orders?? do u not act the same outside of the suit?

**porbably: **i guess not, now that i think about it. i’m not as confident

**foxylady: **must be the spots.

**foxylady: **kinky

**porbably: **i mean i can step up if the situation calls for it but i tend to be kind of shy

**porbably: **are u all very different? make sure to keep things vague

**foxylady: **i don’t think i am. maybe a bit more quiet in the suit but just around the public, with you all i’m pretty normal. same for carapace

**Purrchatoire: **I’m fairly different. I’m not allowed much freedom in my civilian form so I’m a lot more polite and reserved. I like being transformed better for the most part.

**porbably: **it’s hard to imagine u being a proper young man

**Purrchatoire: **I guarantee I have better manners than any of you. I am a true man of class and etiquette. I _model _perfect behavior.

**foxylady: **i feel like that’s a pun but idk what it means

**porbably: **he’s been trying to convince me that he could be a model for years now. it’s never gonna happen chat

**foxylady: **i bet he’d be a hand model. He’s got good nails

**Purrchatoire: **Thank you.

**porbably: **it’s always so weird hearing u talk about ur civilian life tho. ur so vague but u always emphasize how classy it is. i’m still not convinced u actually go to public school

**foxylady: **one day we’re going to learn that chat noir is a literal prince

**Purrchatoire: **I could be.

**foxylady: **omg plot twist, he’s mayor bourgeois

**Queenie: **Nope

**Queenie: **We already saw how the conversations about Chat Noir’s dad went, we are NOT bringing mine into this

**Purrchatoire: **But I AM Mayor Bourgeois.

**Purrchatoire: **Daughter mine, why do you forsake me?

**Queenie: **No

**Purrchatoire: **But sweetie, are you not overjoyed to learn that it has been me the whole time? Your dear papá? We can be a crime-fighting family at last!

**Queenie: **Don’t

**foxylady: **hey mayor bourgeois can you allocate some funds to pay your local heroes?

**foxylady: **your girl wants some coffee

**Purrchatoire: **No no no! Heroes do not need coffee! I shall provide you with the cleanest tap water in the land. Only healthy drinks and snacks for MY heroes, I must provide for my daughter.

**Queenie: **Still not my dad

**Purrchatoire: **You make me cry, dear. Was I not there in the delivery room? Have I not raised you to be the fine young lady you are today? 

**Purrchatoire: **You cannot denounce what we have, what we’ve created together. Our relationship is what makes me the happiest man in the world!

**Queenie: **You’re an idiot

**Purrchatoire: **Gasp, what language! You’re grounded.

**Queenie: **What!

**Purrchatoire: **Go to your room. Delinquent. 

**Queenie: **I hate this family

**foxylady: **what even just happened

**Purrchatoire: **Don’t make me ground you, too.

**foxylady: **:O

**porbably: **hey mayor can u make it illegal to assign ladybug homework

**Purrchatoire: **I’ll see what I can do.

**porbably: **thank u mayor

**foxylady: **this is favoritism and i won’t stand for it

**foxylady: **#notmymayor

**Purrchatoire: **Grounded.

**foxylady: **>:(

**[9:19pm]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **just woke up.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **why are you all so frickin weird?

**Purrchatoire: **Grounded.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **DANG IT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you all for the support! only shenanigans and loving friendship from now on 
> 
> find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) :)


	12. Montana (MO)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> states and soup
> 
> Refresher:  
porbably: Ladybug  
Purrchatoire: Chat Noir  
foxylady: Rena Rouge  
ShutUpTurtleMan: Carapace  
Queenie: Queen Bee

**[9:06am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**foxylady: **SOS who can speak american

**Queenie: **That’s not a language

**foxylady: **i know but i’m trying to read a news article and they keep abbreviating their 100 million states

**foxylady: **who needs that many states anyway??

**Queenie: **Why are you reading an American news article?

**foxylady: **i like keeping up with news from around the world. Plus it helps me practice my english

**Purrchatoire: **I can help you with English if you ever need to practice it! Just let me know.

**foxylady: **thank you!!

**Queenie: **Same here

**foxylady: **love my blondes <3

**foxylady: **but for real who knows these abbreviations, cause i do genuinely want to read this and fully understand it

**Purrchatoire: **I know some. What’s the abbreviation?

**foxylady: **MS?

**Purrchatoire: **That’s Mississippi. It’s in the south.

**foxylady: **okay cool, thank you

**Purrchatoire: **What’s the news article about?

**foxylady: **something about some flooding, at least so far it is

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **wait hold on a second, MS isn’t missippissippissippi i don’t think

**Purrchatoire: ***Mississippi.

**foxylady: **what else would it be?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **isn’t it missouri

**foxylady: **there’s a state called missouri?

**foxylady: **why is there a mississippi AND a missouri

**foxylady: **that feels overkill

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **pretty sure there’s a missouri somewhere in there

**foxylady: **wouldn’t missouri be shortened to MI?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **oh yeah, you’re right

**Purrchatiore: **No.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **no wait. I think MI is something else, like michigan or something

**Purrchatoire: **Missouri is MO, Carapace.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **gotcha

**foxylady: **wait, i thought MO was montana?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **i just know the S one is mississiiisssiisiissiisiippiissippi and that it’s fun to type

**Purrchattoire: **No Rena, Montana is MN.

**foxylady: **ohh okay, that makes sense

**Purrchatoire: **Wait. No. I might be wrong.

**Queenie: **How many M states do they even have?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **too many

**Purrchatoire: **Is MN Minnesota or Montana? I actually think it might be Minnesota.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **if MN is minnesota then what’s montana?

**foxylady: **MO

**Purrchatoire: **No, that’s Missouri.

**foxylady: **oh right

**foxylady: **wait i need a second

**Queenie: **What are you even saying anymore?

**foxylady: **okay everyone shut UP, hold on

**foxylady: **gotta work through this

**foxylady: **MS is Mississippi.

**Purrchatoire: **Yes.

**foxylady: **MO is… Missouri?

**Purrchatoire: **Yes.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **my brain hurts

**foxylady: **MN is Minnesota.

**Purrchatoire: **I… think.

**foxylady: **What is Montana?

**Purrchatoire: **I don’t know.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **is montana MA?

**Queenie: **No, that’s Maine

**Purrchatoire: **Maine is ME, Queenie.

**Queenie: **Oh you’re right, I’m getting mixed up now. Maine is definitely ME

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **what the heck is a maine

**porbably: **STOP TEXTING

**porbably: **NO ONE SPEAK UNTIL IM DONE

**porbably: **montana is MT

**porbably: **maine is ME

**porbably: **minnesota is MN

**porbably: **mississippi is MS

**porbably: **missouri is MO

**porbably: **and no one say anymore M states or i will kill u where u stand

**Purrchatoire: **She’s right, those are all correct. Thank you haha.

**foxylady: **how did you even _know _that?

**porbably: **google??? which u all also have???

**foxylady: **oh yeah

**Queenie: **If we ever have an akuma based on these Papillon will destroy us. This was pathetic

**foxylady: **LMAO our one weakness… american geography

**foxylady: **if only we, french teenagers, had prepared better for that possibility

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **haha yeah

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **wait so what is MA?

**[11:42am]**

** _Rena&TheRest_ **

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **hey

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **would you rather

**Queenie: **Oh god

**ShutUpTurtleMan: __**_BE_ a stick for a day, or _EAT_ a stick _EVERY_ day

**Purrchatoire: **This is interesting.

**foxylady: **we’re gonna need some parameters here

**porbably: **agreed. is any damage done to stick!us permanent? and how big is the stick we’re eating?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **solid questions. Also? “Stick!us”?

**porbably: **??

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **uh that sounds like fanfic lingo? Something you want to share with the class, LB?

**porbably: **uh

**porbably: **i mean. not really

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **but anyway

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **stick damage is permanent, so if you get snapped them’s just the breaks. and the stick you’d eat would be 6 cm

**Purrchatoire: **Okay. Would we be able to choose what stick we become?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **No, it would be randomly assigned

**Queenie: **I’d be a stick. I’m not going to eat one

**porbably: **^same, but mostly i just want to know what it’s like

**foxylady: **i’d take my chances. I bet i’d be a cool stick

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **really??

**Purrchatoire: **I’ll just eat the sticks. They won’t kill me, the other might.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **heck yeah dude, same.

**porbably: **if we’re staying with wyr then i have a question

**Purrchatoire: **No.

**porbably: **>:)

**Purrchatoire: **My lady, I care for you deeply, you always have the weirdest questions.

**porbably: **weirder than eating/being a stick??

**Purrchatoire: **Well.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **hey you all agreed it was a good question

**Queenie: **I didn’t

**porbably: **okay. would you rather

**porbably: **…

**porbably: **…

**foxylady: **rather what?

**porbably: **shh i’m building suspense

**Purrchatoire: **Here it comes.

**porbably: **…

**porbably: **never wear shoes ever again, OR……..

**porbably: **sweat broccoli cheddar soup?

**foxylady: **ladybug what the fuck

**porbably: **well? which would you rather?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **parameters, go.

**porbably: **okay, you can’t wear socks either. completely barefoot all the time

**porbably: **and the other option is that your sweat is replaced with cheesy broccoli soup

**Queenie: **Barefoot, are you kidding me?

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **uh soup are YOU kidding ME? That’s a free meal whenever i want, babey~

**foxylady: __**_EW_ babe_ NO_

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **what if we were in a desert somewhere, starving, and all we had was the soup coming out of my skin?? Would you rather the soup THEN??

**foxylady: **WHY WOULD WE EVEN BE IN THAT SITUATION

**foxylady: **and NO i’m NOT going to eat your SOUP SWEAT

**Purrchatoire: **I’d also go barefoot. I don’t want to smell like soup.

**porbably: **i’m in the middle. i make a mean broccoli cheddar soup

**Purrchatoire: **But would the soup you sweat be as good as the soup you make?

**porbably: **yes

**foxylady: **how come??

**porbably: **bc i asked the question so i decide the rules

**Queenie: **My turn

**Queenie: **Would you rather fight Ladybug or fight Chat Noir?

**foxylady: **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOOOHHH

**foxylady: **WHAT A GOOD QUESTION

**porbably: **i don’t like this one >:(

**Purrchatoire: **I’d pick myself because I know my weaknesses and can exploit them.

**Queenie: **But that’s true for the _you _you’re fighting as well. He could also exploit _your _weaknesses.

**Purrchatoire: **Hmm.

**Purrchatoire: **We beat copycat, though!

**Queenie: **You beat him as a team, not individually

**Purrchatoire: **.. _Hmm..._

**foxylady: **chat i’d fight you

**foxylady: **i think i could trick you easier than i could trick ladybug, no offense

**foxylady: **you’re very gullible

**Purrchatoire: **It’s okay, I am. Another weakness I could exploit… or succumb to. Hmm.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **I’d fight LB.

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **she’d beat me to a pulp but at least i wouldn’t get cataclysmed 

**foxylady: **oh wait, that’s a really good point.

**foxylady: **I change mine to ladybug

**porbably: **i see how it is

**foxylady: **not about to thanos snap outta here

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **“I don’t feel so gucci, Rena” *poofs into dust*

**Queenie: **I’d fight Chat Noir

**Queenie: **I can’t fight Ladybug <3

**porbably: **<3 queenie is my favorite 

**foxylady: **ladybug who would you fight?

**porbably: **pass

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **coward

**porbably: **fine i choose papillon

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **that wasn’t an option

**porbably: **i know but after fighting clones/evil versions of everyone here i’d rather not pick if that’s ok

**foxylady: **aw

**foxylady: **yeah ladybug ofc it’s okay

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **:( sorry, pass 100% accepted dude.

**Purrchatoire: **Dang. Have you all ever thought about how messed up that was?

**Queenie: **Or what about all the times Papillon akumatized a literal baby?

**porbably: **or poor M Ramier 

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **:/

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **it’s hard to think about a day where we don’t have to fight him anymore if i’m being honest. 

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **papillon, that is. Not m ramier

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **well. Actually both

**foxylady: **or a day where we’re just civilians cause we won’t have our kwamis anymore

**porbably: **this is getting sad, let’s talk about something more positive cause i don’t want to think about that rn

**porbably: **i have another wyr

**Purrchatoire: **I have something better.

**porbably: **oh?

**Purrchatoire: **Someone mentioned something about reading fanfiction earlier.

**porbably: __** _oh_

**Purrchatoire: **Let’s talk about that.

**foxylady: **YEAH

**foxylady: **for someone so against the idea of fanfic you used that lingo pretty easily ladybug

**porbably: **I JUST SAW IT ON TUMBLR

**porbably: **NOTHING TO READ FURTHER INTO

**foxylady: **okay sure maybe, but maybe there is. What is it that _you _like to read further into, hmm?

**porbably: **not us that’s for sure

**ShutUpTurtleMan: **yeah we got that lmao

**foxylady: **hey ladybug

**foxylady: **do you

**foxylady: **write fanfiction

**porbably: **NO and this conversation is over goodnight

**foxylady: **it’s not even 1pm

**porbably: **GOODNIGHT

**[5:38pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Chat Noir: **Hey, so, I’ve been thinking.

**Ladybug: **spicy, do share

**Chat Noir: **We’ve been getting closer lately and I know you’ve been hesitant in the past but it’s really nice spending time with you and so. Um, would you want to do something tonight after patrol?

**Ladybug: **like what?

**Chat Noir: **Um. I don’t know, like.. I have a projector? I could set up a movie on a roof somewhere with a wall and maybe bring popcorn? Or if you would rather not that’s okay, I don’t want to pressure you because I know you’re dealing with a lot right now. 

**Chat Noir: **Actually forget I said anything, this is weird.

**Ladybug: **that sounds really nice <3

**Chat Noir: **Wait really?!

**Ladybug: **what movie?

**Chat Noir: **Oh uh. I didn’t think I’d get this far, actually.

**Chat Noir: **What kinds of movies do you like?

**Ladybug: **hmm. i really like rom coms and disney movies, but also terrible sci fi and horror movies. like the really cheesy ones where all u do is make fun of it?

**Chat Noir: **:-) I shall bring a surprise B horror movie then!

**Ladybug: **it’s a date :)

**Chat Noir: **I

**Chat Noir: **Isjdfk

**Chat Noir: **Is

**Chat Noir: **Is it?

**Chat Noir: **A date?

**Ladybug: **oh

**Ladybug: **sorry i just

**Ladybug: **uh u asked for a movie after patrol and i just thought

**Ladybug: **sorry i didn’t mean to make it awkward. did i misread that?

**Chat Noir: **No! No, I uh. I was. Asking for a date.

**Ladybug: **oh. then.. yeah. it’s a date :)

**Ladybug: **if that’s okay with u!

**Chat Noir: **I mean, yes! I asked! So yes!

**Ladybug: **right!

**Chat Noir: **Yes.

**Ladybug: **cool cool

**Chat Noir: **Yep. Cool.

**Ladybug: **um so i guess i’ll uh. see u at patrol?

**Chat Noir: **Yes.

**Chat Noir: **I will.. See you then. :-)

**Ladybug: **ok :) see u then

**[10:24pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Alya: **GIRL ANSWER YOUR PHONE RIGHT NOW IM GONNA SCREAM

**Alya: **GUESS WHOSE SHIP IS SAILING

**Marinette: **what

**Alya: **A LADYBLOG FOLLOWER SENT ME A PIC OF CHAT NOIR AND LADYBUG WATCHING A MOVIE TOGETHER

**Marinette: **that doesn’t mean anything!! maybe they were just hanging out!

**Alya: **THEY WERE SNUGGLING

**Marinette: **well

**Marinette: **uh

**Marinette: **are you going to post it?

**Alya: **actually… no

**Marinette: **what?? really?? 

**Alya: **well i just. I don’t know, i’m starting to realize that some of what i post could be an invasion of their privacy. Like if they’re trying to figure things out i’m not going to help by sending the press after them too, you know?

**Alya: **and I REALLY think getting together is what’s best for them. I don’t want to mess it up. The follower agreed with me and said they’d keep it to themselves

**Marinette: **… wow

**Marinette: **that’s really cool of you, alya. i’m sure ladybug and chat would really appreciate that

**Alya: **:)

**Alya: **BUT that doesn’t mean YOU’RE safe from me spamming you about theories

**Alya: **and you’re gonna see how cute this picture is so get ready

**Marinette: **oh god

**[10:27pm]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Ladybug: **hi! so that was really nice :) i had a fun time

**Chat Noir: **Really? Me too! I’d love to hang out some other time if you’re up for it.

**Chat Noir: **I mean, outside of all the times we already hang out because of Papillon. :-)

**Ladybug: **i would! are u free this saturday afternoon? i know a pretty secluded park we could walk around at? hopefully we won’t be bombarded with people

**Chat Noir: **I would love that. :-)

**Ladybug: **okay cool, me too :)

**Chat Noir: **I have to get to bed, but I hope you have sweat dreams, Bug.

**Ladybug: **u mean sweet?

**Chat Noir: **No, sweat. Broccoli cheddar soup sweat, to be precise.

**Ladybug: **sjfdksjfdks shut up

**Ladybug: **but sweet dreams, minou <3

**[12:58am]**

** _Direct Message_ **

**Nino: **hey mar, are you awake?

**Marinette: **unfortunately, why?

**Nino: **so alya and i are having a spiderman movie marathon and we keep talking about the garfield movie part with the lizard and alya and i got to talking about lizards and their needs

**Nino: **and it went on for a bit and i can’t really explain how we got to this point but long story short, have you ever thought about making tiny little mittens for fang

**Marinette: **have i

**Marinette: **w

**Marinette: __** _what_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's literally been months but WOW at the amount of comments on this i still need to read through!! you all are so so sweet and i really appreciate all the support and kudos
> 
> 2020 has been a LOT, sorry it took so long to update this. hopefully more updates will come quicker moving forward. i also hope everyone is staying as safe and healthy as they can right now <3
> 
> as always, you can find me on [tumblr](https://noaoats.tumblr.com/) for friendship and updates :)


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